March Hare: "…Then you should say what you mean."
Alice: "I do; at least—at least I mean what I say—that's the same thing, you know."
Mad Hatter: "Not the same thing a bit! Why, you might just as well say that, 'I see what I eat' is the same as 'I eat what I see'!"
English is sometimes a strange language. What you mean and what you say can be completely different. Let me illustrate.
- "No offense, but...": These words are almost always followed by something that you should take offense at.
- "Hi, how are you?": This isn't a genuine question. There is no acceptable answer other than to say things are good.
- "Good morning": This is an oxymoron.
- "This will only pinch a little": I have gotten a lot of Novocain shots in my life, definitely enough to know that this statement is a lie.
- "Allow 6-8 weeks to receive rebate": This is actually something I discussed before. If you actually get the rebate check you will be very fortunate to get it in eight weeks.
- "To serve you better...": I wish a company would just occasionally confess that sometimes moves are not made to serve the customer better. For example, I worked at a grocery store that installed a CoinStar machine "to serve customers better." Why should customers pay to turn change into cash when they can pay with change at the cash register for free? I will admit that it is useful when someone has a lot of coins, though.
- "The doctor will be with you in a minute": Would you like to read this copy of War and Peace while you wait?
- "I promise I'll change": For at least the next week or so.
- "I'm just being real": This is an excuse to tell someone off while pretending to take the high road.
Do you have any examples of your own?
5 comments:
Dash says that "I'm fine" when I say it means that I'm really not okay and he needs to guess to see what's really wrong! :) I don't completely agree. I usually mean...I will be fine after I get over whatever it is that's irritating me at the moment! I've started in the past couple years saying "I WILL be fine."!:)
"How do I look?" Is another question that has only one answer. "You look MARVELOUS!"
How about "the customer is always right" when the manager is around. Not as witty as yours, but I tried.
For what it's worth: : )
It's not you it's me.
I've been carrying around and accumulating coins for about 4 years. When in Nevada, I used one of those coinstar type machines for about 5 minutes to count out the roughly 3000 coins I was depositing. Granted, it was free, but I really appreciated the service.
Now, I have had rates go up "to serve me better." Goodie.
These phrases are why I love the Despair.com stuff. It's like what we would really say if we dared. I'm a verbal coward, so I appreciate when I hear someone else say what they think. ha!
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