on pain again

It is very possible to read this particular post as preachy or as a social commentary, but that is not really how I intend it to be read. If I am making a point, it is less about the condition of society and more about how that condition impacts how we perceive God.

I have already dealt with the topic of pain and its relation to the existence of God, but I have been giving it some more thought recently and had what I feel was a minor enlightenment. It is my experience that more people are put off of Christianity by God's seeming indifference to specific horrific things that He allowed to happen than by other issues that are more easy to argue rationally. I think that this is because when we as humans are dealing with things at a visceral level we aren't wired to think everything out. This is not my enlightenment but the setup for my enlightenment.

In my earlier post about pain I pointed out that either God has to draw the line somewhere and allow some forms of pain on the one side of the line or He has to take away our ability to do wrong. If we know nothing of the horrors on the other side of the line that God has drawn, whatever is the closest to the line but not quite over will be the worst evil that we could imagine and will inevitably cause many to question a loving God's existence. If God decided that the worst that would ever happen to anyone was that they would occasionally get a traffic ticket, people in that existence who didn't understand anything worse than traffic tickets would question the possibility that a loving God would allow His children to get pegged for speeding. It sounds ludicrous because we have perspective, but our perspective can only include that which God has deemed knowable, and that can only come from the one side of the line.

My new epiphany was that the whole argument that a loving God wouldn't let certain bad things happen relies completely in our believing on some level that God is a hedonist, or at least that He wants us to be hedonists. Whether or not anyone else agrees on that point, it hit me like a ton of bricks. The only reason that the horrors of this world could make me question the existence of a loving God is because they violate my idea of a pleasure-fulfilling God. If God loves me, then He will not do anything that stands in the way of my happiness or makes me decidedly unhappy, especially if I have done nothing that is obvious to me deserving of bad treatment. I can imagine a God who is not focused on being pleasure-fulfilling, but there is a strong temptation to make that God unloving as a result.

Now, I should note again that I am not trying to be preachy. I am just walking through the logical path this has taken in my mind. I know very well that at the first sign of pain my inner hedonist comes out and I get impatient, demanding, and sometimes very angry at God. I haven't questioned whether He existed because of pain, but I have questioned whether His motives were good. Just because I know better does not mean that my actions follow. Now that I have children, I will behave even worse when they feel what I believe is unjust pain.

I think that the church has often taken the wrong tactic when discussing pain. Pain is rarely viewed as a victory because our hedonistic minds don't allow us to think that way. Testimonies usually involve how God graciously helped people escape various forms of pain or death rather than how He provided strength and growth in adversity. I am not saying that healings or relief are bad. I would by far prefer to be healed or relieved than to be given the strength to endure the pain. Our priority on praising God for ending pain over providing strength, though, says a lot about what drives us.

There is another mistake that does not come up quite as often, but also stems from our hedonistic nature. Some seeking healing or relief from God who have not been healed or relieved have been told that their conditions are left unaddressed because they don't have enough faith. I am sure everyone reading this recognizes that line of thinking is bunk. This is actually a different side of the same coin where a physical healing is considered more Godly than having to live with the pain.

I will conclude with a passage from Hebrews that has always been important to me, but that I have not always liked for obvious reasons. Healing is important, but other things must come first.

"In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: 'My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.' Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 'Make level paths for your feet,' so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."- Hebrews 12:4-13

this should terrify you

I gave a presentation last night for my Information Security class on protecting data from the actions of malicious or absent-minded employees. As a part of my research, I found the video below and used it as a source. Given that this could describe the disposal habits of anyone's bank this should be just a little terrifying. Since buying and using a $30 shredder is so easy, this illustrates how horribly lax security can be even when personal and financial data is involved. It also illustrates the value of finding out what your bank's document disposal procedures are.



This video was originally posted here.

holy week

During Holy Week I always feel a bit separated from a good chunk of Christianity. I'm not just talking about the difference between Protestants and Catholics, either. I don't officially observe any of the days except for Easter, and even on Easter my observance is largely just showing up for church. This is not because I have a disrespect for the importance of what the crucifixion and resurrection represent, but rather because most rituals and many of the ways that people observe things make me feel further from God rather than closer to God.

Easter Sunday is probably my least favorite Sunday of the year because it seems to me to be more about showing off than anything else. I could be wrong and I could just be cynical about it, but that is my impression and it makes the Sunday less appealing. I wish my perspective were different.

I think that there are a few holidays that lean either masculine or feminine, and Easter is one of those that leans more feminine. There aren't too many other holidays where people buy dressy clothes that they will not be able to wear for most of the rest of the year. This may feed my opinions of Easter celebrations as well. For example, I have always liked Independence Day because it combines grilled beef and explosions, which are two things that I consider masculine. Maybe I should cut Easter the break that I cut July fourth. Or, maybe we should find a way to work fireworks into our Easter observances.

danita remembered again

CD is 139 days old today. When NJ was 139 days old I posted this comment about how this is the same age my first sister was when she passed away. I do not plan on going through the story again since anyone who wants to can read what I wrote the last time. I feel I would be remiss in not at least making the observation again today with CD.

I cannot imagine losing a child, and those sorts of things seem to happen a lot more frequently than I would think that they should. One thing that I mentioned previously is that 139 days, or four-and-a-half months, does not sound like a long time. It is certainly enough time that losing the child would be devastating, though.

I am thankful that NJ is here only a few months from his third birthday and that CD will see her 140th day. I am not thankful enough for the things that are really important.

the narcissistic parent

I have never really been a kid person.  That sounds worse than it should.  There is not much more to it than that. I can definitely enjoy my time around kids, but I simply don't go out of my way to be around kids.  Because of this, I always sort of felt that I needed to justify my intention that I would some day have kids. Having my own kids is different because they are my kids.  I have given a lot of thought lately to what the difference really is, and my conclusion is that it is a mild form of narcissism.

In my opinion there are no two greater kids in the world than mine and Golden's kids, NJ and CD.  That is natural.  I am their dad, so I should feel that way.  Everyone else reading this who has their own kids should feel that way about their own kids.  I think there is far more to it than that, though.  Almost every little thing that I learn about NJ or CD as they get older is something that I see in myself or in Golden.  These two people are combinations of myself and the person who I have decided was the perfect choice to spend the rest of my life with.  Since I love almost everything there is to know about Golden, I am bound to like or at least understand everything I find out about our kids unless I loathe myself.

I have to think that God created us like this to make it easier to get through the challenging moments in parenting.  I already know some of the challenges that NJ is going to present as he gets older, but since I see elements of my personality in him being a part of those challenges, part of me looks forward to them.  I am pretty sure that CD is going to present challenges of her own, but that either Golden or I will have some appreciation of her perspective in those challenges.

This also makes me think about parents who adopt and care for kids who are not their own as if they are their own.  I never really grasped it before, but the people who do that right have to be some among the most giving people in the world.  I have my narcissism (and Golden) to help me through the parental challenges.  They don't have that benefit.