Friday, May 04, 2012

boundaries

I frankly don't know precisely where boundaries should be drawn in my life.  I never have.  In college I became overly active in classwork, student government, work, and maintaining a relationship with Golden and nearly burned out mid-way through my third semester.  A few times in my adult life I have swung the opposite direction and purposefully shut down nearly all offers for social activities beyond what was absolutely necessary.

I'm somehow guarded and over-sharing at the same time in my friendships.  In my close relationships I don't usually know what reasonable and unreasonable expectations are.  Do I expect too much or too little?  Do I sacrifice too much or too little?  Again, I think it's paradoxically both, but I usually cannot identify the specifics of what needs to change.

In social situations I frequently miss social cues, though I also notice people who miss them much more than I do.  Some people seem to be able to feel out others in a way that I can only dream.  Other people seem to miss what I think are obvious signs that whatever they are doing violates whatever the local social mores are.

The thing is, the more I think about this, the more I think this describes most people.  There is definitely a small group of people who seem to get where all of the social and personal boundaries are or should be, and there is a small group of  people who have no clue.  In the middle, though, I think everyone relies on others' reactions to figure out the grey areas.  What happens, though, when the people we use for reference have it wrong?