contrived dialogue

I decided that I would play around with crazy conversations different people and characters may have in some bizarro world. If this goes well I may try it again in the future.

Descartes and Popeye
Descartes: "You think, therefore you are."
Popeye: "I yam what I yam."
Descartes: "Yes, but you must first establish a frame of reference other than personal perceptions with which to determine whether you yam--I mean are--actually in existence.
Popeye: "I yam what I yam, and that's all what I yam."
Descartes: "That's impossible to say, because we do not have a proper frame of reference for who you are. Are you a physical being? If so what perceptions you have are unreliable because physical evidence of existence is not the least bit trustworthy.
Popeye: "Are you trying to ruffle me feathers? Why I yaughta eat me can of spinach and..."
Descartes: "I take it back. You don't think, therefore you aren't."

Paris Hilton and (does it really matter?)
Hilton: "Checkmate."
Other Person: "Um, we're playing poker."

Moses and a hostage taker
Moses: "Let my people go."
Hostage Taker: "What's with all the frogs?"

Frodo and Confucious
Frodo: "I know what I must do. It's just... I'm afraid to do it."
Confucious: "Confucious say, 'Hobbit who not deal with fear before reaching his destination is dread on arrival.'"

Foghorn Leghorn and Colonal Sanders
Foghorn Leghorn: "I say--I say, boy. I say--are you listening to me, boy? I say, you're really making me nervous with that look in your eye. The fryin' pan don't--I say the fryin' pan don't make me feel too good neither, boy."

Corporal Klinger and his wife
Klinger: "Your slip is showing."
His wife: "So is yours."

A 22-year-old hippie in 1967 and himself forty years later
1967 Hippie: "Trust no one over thirty."
2007 Hippie: "Trust no one under fifty."
1967 Hippie: "Down with the establishment."
2007 Hippie: "My social security check is late."

Barney Fife and a pushy florist
Fife: "Nip it. Nip it in the bud."

Adolph Hitler and the Soup Nazi
Hitler: "With your soup I could properly nourish my superhuman, Aryan army."
Soup Nazi: "Pay and step to the left!"
Hitler: "You would dare talk to the Führer that way?!"
Soup Nazi: "No soup for you! Next!"

Used rug dealer and Alladin
Rug Dealer: "This rug is a beaut. The last owner was an old lady who only rode it to mosque on Fridays."
Alladin: "That's good, but I have some questions about the limited tassel to tassel warranty."

Jack Benny and a bellhop
Bellhop: "Ahem."
Benny: "Yes?"
Bellhop: "Ahem."
Benny: "Oh, you expect a tip?"
Bellhop: "That is customary, sir."
Benny: "Do you have change for a dollar?"