A couple of years ago I was telling a coworker about my run in with a TSA agent who thought that I had a guilty look to me. I had to submit to a more in depth search when going through a check point in an airport because the guy thought I was acting weird. My coworker's response on hearing this was to exclaim, "Innocent Dust?!"
I have already stated in the past that I have a very healthy sense of guilt which I am trying to overcome. Perhaps paradoxically, I also have to deal with a healthy sense of innocence.
I think part of it is that I was a bit sheltered growing up, and that impacted my personality and knowledge of pop culture. I think part of it is that I have a smaller build and a baby face. Some of it may be that I am not an adventurous type. I don't precisely know what all it is, but I often get the feeling that I am the kid in the group who hasn't figured everything out. This is something I truly hate, if only for the fact that people may sometimes like the naive but they don't fully respect them.
My disdain for this appearance of innocence has greatly impacted how I feel about a lot of things. I dislike dressy clothes in part because they are uncomfortable, but also in part because I psychologically associate them with elementary aged schoolboys who have been dressed by their mothers. I dislike low quality family films because I get the feeling that realism has been sacrificed to maintain my innocence. I dislike having to maintain an image of innocence that is often lauded in a church setting as if appearances are what really matter.
The problem I have is how to combat the innocent persona. I am not a rebel and I don't really have a desire to be one, so it probably won't happen through personality. Also, if I try too hard I will look more naive than if I don't do anything. So far, no acceptable strategy has presented itself. For now I guess I'll have to be the innocent poser.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
That is funny, Dust, about you having to submit for a more in-depth search because you looked guilty. I know that look - it's the same look I see every sunday when you come into class looking for a seat. there is a row of empty chairs, but you are not sure, you walk slowly and hesitate, your eyes are darting back and forth, and then you ask if anyone is has taken these seats.
I don't think you can use the small frame and the baby face excuse any more, because it just doesn't apply now - you are all grown up. I think your main issue is confidence. You seem to overthink everything, causing a pause or delay in choice. Just act like you have been there before and you know what you are doing and that you can stand behind your decisions.
Not that you lack confidence, you just need to be more confident with your physical behavior.
Those are my perceptions - am I off?
I am sure you are accurate, but I have a hard time acting without fully understanding the situation. I don't think the same way that most other people do, so what everyone else assumes is the reasonable course of action isn't always obvious to me.
Example: I would rather look unconfident in slowly approaching the chairs than taking someone else's chair without thinking about it because I didn't pick up on the fact that it was already taken.
...but it seems like you don't pick up on the obvious clues, like, their empty and their is no personal belongings and your the first to arrive. :)
I'll explain better tonight. Or do you have class?
For the rest of the semester I only have class on Monday nights.
I tend to think that younger looking people are somehow more prone to be devious.
I'm sure that home alone 2 and Chucky had something to do with that.
:-)
Dust had to get searched at the airport because he made a joke. They asked if his pockets were empty and he said yes except for some fuzz/lint. Dust might be a little too literal for his own good. : )
LOL! I understand the guilt thing. In the Winter I always choose a short coat without many pockets when we go to the mall because they will know that I'm not a shoplifter. I go out of my way to smile briefly at the security guards and always keep my hands in plain sight. I have to ask myself why do I behave that way when it is not my responsibility to worry - especially if I'm not shoplifting....
I always think you're up to something. I don't trust people who look innocent. ;)
Part of the young face and innocence thing makes me think twice about what I'm going to wear. To tie 2 of your points together. For a long time I just automatically wore my sweatshirts and jeans. Somewhere, I don't know, 28-30ish, I decided to dress a little better in certain circumstances because I felt more heard or respected or at least they didn't assume I was 12! ha. I'm to the age that it sounds good when people guess me 10 years younger. Long live the innocence!
Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn’t have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standing by
When happily ever after fails
And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly
But I know a place where we can go
That’s still untouched by man
We’ll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
.. well you know the rest. I've been singing it softly ever since I saw the title of your post.
Post a Comment