innocent dust

A couple of years ago I was telling a coworker about my run in with a TSA agent who thought that I had a guilty look to me. I had to submit to a more in depth search when going through a check point in an airport because the guy thought I was acting weird. My coworker's response on hearing this was to exclaim, "Innocent Dust?!"

I have already stated in the past that I have a very healthy sense of guilt which I am trying to overcome. Perhaps paradoxically, I also have to deal with a healthy sense of innocence.

I think part of it is that I was a bit sheltered growing up, and that impacted my personality and knowledge of pop culture. I think part of it is that I have a smaller build and a baby face. Some of it may be that I am not an adventurous type. I don't precisely know what all it is, but I often get the feeling that I am the kid in the group who hasn't figured everything out. This is something I truly hate, if only for the fact that people may sometimes like the naive but they don't fully respect them.

My disdain for this appearance of innocence has greatly impacted how I feel about a lot of things. I dislike dressy clothes in part because they are uncomfortable, but also in part because I psychologically associate them with elementary aged schoolboys who have been dressed by their mothers. I dislike low quality family films because I get the feeling that realism has been sacrificed to maintain my innocence. I dislike having to maintain an image of innocence that is often lauded in a church setting as if appearances are what really matter.

The problem I have is how to combat the innocent persona. I am not a rebel and I don't really have a desire to be one, so it probably won't happen through personality. Also, if I try too hard I will look more naive than if I don't do anything. So far, no acceptable strategy has presented itself. For now I guess I'll have to be the innocent poser.

snacks

In my office we can get free snacks. It isn't a meal, but we do get chocolate, Gardettos, Cheez-Its, cheese puffs, and pretzels. This comes in handy if I am in the mood for an afternoon snack around 2 or 3 PM.
About a month ago a new vending machine was placed outside our office kitchen. It is actually a cool looking machine, but it doesn't take dollar bills. All I can think about, though, is how in the world the people who put the vending machine there expect to make money. Some of the stuff in the vending machine is good, but none of it is free. Eventually either the free snacks have to go or the vending machine has to go. This office just isn't big enough for the two of them.

marketing

Today marks my first day in Marketing Management class. This is a bit bittersweet. For a long time I have viewed Marketing as an easy class to take, and I think this will be comparatively easy. I have for a while disliked some specific elements of marketing, though.

I have two aversions to marketing. First is the emphasis on getting the sale. This is not actually a bad thing, but some of the steps that are necessary to close sales in specific instances leave a bad taste in my mouth. Some companies have ethically questionable marketing campaigns and I think this has influenced my thinking.

The second reason is much more significant. I view much (not all) of marketing as idea-driven work. Again, not evil or anything, but I had a bad experience in the past.

When I was in college I joined Students in Free Enterprise for what I considered an easy half credit. The class was populated mostly by Marketing majors and we met bi-weekly basis. People would come up with ideas for ways to raise money (which was the real purpose of the organization/class), and then they would look to people with any type of skills to implement the details. I was the Computer Science major who knew a little bit about web design, so I had to stave off a lot of requests on my time to put together web-based auctions and Powerpoint presentations. I also witnessed things that I considered less-than-ethical steps to implement some of the ideas that were presented.

I have slowly been coming to the conclusion that my initial opinions on marketing are not completely fair and do not represent the field accurately. There are unethical marketers, but marketing is not unethical by nature. I'm not concerned about that for this class, anyway, since this will be more academic than practical. It should be fun.

preston motors

A couple of days ago I as I was leaving the office I noticed the car in front of me had a magnetic ribbon on the back stating "Go Pittsburgh." This stuck out to me because, even though I live in the Kansas City area now, I used to live near Pittsburgh.

I checked the license plate. What do you know, it was from Pennsylvania as well. I decided to investigate the car a little further. Just above the driver's side tail light was labeled "Preston Motors, New Castle, PA." New Castle is where I lived through my high school years, so this excited me to see someone else from that area 800 miles away. I happened to have my camera with me, so I tried to snap a few shots. The following is the best I got. In the picture you can't even see the license plate, let alone the "Preston Motors" insignia. Other than that, it's a cool picture for the story.

we have moved

There used to be two companies located on the floor of the office building where I work--the company I work for and a financial management firm. A few weeks ago that changed. The other firm moved to a different location. This is actually kind of nice because our bathroom only gets about half the traffic it used to.

About a week ago one of my coworkers asked if I had noticed anything about the sign that the financial management company left on their door. I had glanced at it but hadn't paid close attention. He pointed out that the map does not actually depict any streets around where we work. I checked it out and he was right. Someone just found a generic streets picture, placed some bicycles on it, and decided that was sufficient.

Maybe this doesn't deserve to win a that's-not-my-job award, but it certainly does deserve an honorable mention.

a little cuss

I don't swear, and yet I do. I grew up in a family where using specific language was viewed as providing the potential for fiery--um--darnnation. I don't want to make it sound like I was in a police state or anything, but we simply didn't use certain language. I should mention that I don't think there is anything specifically wrong with mere words when separated from context, but I need to establish my history.

I still don't use the language. This is for multiple reasons, none of which have anything to do with the idea that it is sin. First and foremost, I don't want to get in the habit then slip around my parents. That would be a slap in the face to my mom the equivalent of lighting up a bong in front of her or voting with the Green Party (which is roughly synonymous). It just wouldn't be wise. I also have some cultural reasons not to use official cuss words. The final reason I avoid the language, though, is because I was taught that it was a lazy and stupid way to talk. I have thought long and hard regarding this and mostly disagree with this final sentiment. It impacts perception, nonetheless.

Today I use a lot of substitute words. I use crap, darn, freaking, and a few others for emphasis when needed. I know this isn't any different than using the real words, but for the reasons mentioned above I consider them more user friendly, even if a bit cheesy when compared to their counterparts. I used to use them sparsely enough that if I did use them it was more intelligent than when I use them now.

I think that there are effective and less effective ways to swear. I believe that the purpose of the language in the last couple hundred years has been to shock or emphasize. HOWEVER, WHEN A PERSON USES THE SAME SWEAR WORD FIFTY TIMES IN A PARAGRAPH IT IS LIKE LEAVING THE CAPS LOCK KEY ON WHEN HE OR SHE IS TYPING. The shock is eventually dulled, the emphasis is misplaced, and a percentage of the potential audience is left thinking that the individual is crude or dense (regardless as to whether that assessment is true). I know intelligent people who do this, so it isn't stupidity, but I do think this limits the value of the words if and when they are warranted.

Proper use of cussing would be to provide emphasis where emphasis is due. A good example is actually found in the Cotton Patch version of Romans 6:1. Paul needs to put a lot of emphasis in what he is saying, so the minor swearing in this paraphrase of his words actually fits.

I have noticed (and Forrest called me on it) that rather than properly using terms like "darn" and "freaking," I have started placing the terms where they do not belong. I have initially thought that sentences needed the emphasis, when I realized in retrospect that they didn't. This is something that I am resolving to change right now. Darn straight.

the lone jeans man

About a month ago I agreed to be an usher at church on Sunday mornings. It isn't the type of job that I would typically volunteer for, but it is something that needs to be done. When I was asked, I mentioned that I don't tend to dress up much on Sunday morning. This was not a big deal, I was told, because I would be ushering the contemporary and more casual service.

The first two weeks I wore jeans and a nice casual shirt. Not trashy but not dressy. The problem is that I have been the only usher wearing jeans. This means I stick out a little more and it is a little embarrassing to Golden (plus my mom has reminded me that ushers shouldn't wear jeans). This puts me in a quandary. Do I dress up, by which I mean wear khakis, or do I choose to be the lone denim usher?

Golden has given me the go ahead to wear jeans, but I would rather dress up than embarrass her. Part of me really wants to stick it to those who believe that somehow khakis or dress pants are holier than jeans, though. I will be getting more dressed up on communion Sunday for sure, but what about the other weeks? I just don't know yet.

do you hear something?

I am sitting in the silence right now, but at the same time there is no silence. There never is. When no sounds are to be heard, I still hear.

For as long as I can remember I have been an insomniac. I am sure that a large part of the reason for this is my nervous nature. Another part is my tendency to sleep in on days when I don't have to be up for something. A final part is probably genetics. After twenty-six years, though, I think I have figured out one of the biggest reasons.

Any time I am in a completely silent environment my ears ring. Usually it is minor enough that I am not even thinking about it. I just have a slight high-pitched noise that constantly goes through the back of my head. Sometimes I have a deeper ringing that throbs like a drumbeat to the cadence of my heart. The ringing tends to keep me alert so I don't doze off as easily. I can combat this with background noise, but I had never thought through this before.

I have always just figured that everyone has this. It is one of those things where I assume that since my body does this to me everyone's body does it to them. I am becoming less sure of this assumption as of late. I have noticed that in literature people only talk about ringing in the ears when there has been an explosion or something of that sort.

So my question for the weekend is this: When everything is silent so that you can hear your heart beat do your ears ring?

no more pencils

Last night was my last class for this half of the semester. I only have one class next half of the semester so I am celebrating at the moment. One class is completely manageable after having to deal with two classes for eight weeks. I had few final observations.

• If people are told that their group presentation should last 30 minutes, they will overshoot by a lot to avoid getting their grade docked. Of four teams who had to do a final presentation, three went 50 minutes or more, including my team. One went 30 minutes. The presentation was supposed to be 30-40 minutes.
• The further you get into a semester the more kindhearted most professors get. Stuff I got dinged for earlier in class I got away with more later.
• Most everyone I have heard do a speech has the ability to make it sound like they care about something way more than they really do.
• It is a lot easier to give a PowerPoint presentation when you have a screen with the presentation in front of you. I usually struggle through informative speeches, but I didn't have any problems with my speech last night.
• Other people can be more teacher's pets than me (I have been careful not to give that impression because I sometimes looked like a suck up in undergrad).
• I watched Serenity after class as part of my celebration that I don't have homework this week. It really is worth watching if you like Sci-Fi. If you don't, it really isn't.
• I am really looking forward to this upcoming week and a half, even if I have to paint the baby's room this weekend.

200

Shortly, I will reach the one year anniversary for this site. First, though, I have another milestone. This is the two hundredth post tossed off the bridge. That's enough that they are starting to pile up below.

If you are interested in facts about the number 200 and numbers in the 200s, like the fact that there is such a thing as a €200 note, you can check out Wikipedia or with Dar or Roamer who probably already knew this. I've heard that there isn't such a thing as a $200 bill, so I decided I'd make my own. Do you think I can pass it at Homers without anyone getting suspicious?

I don't know why people think counterfeiting is hard. I made this in a couple of minutes.

more late night fun

I know I have done something like this before, but it is too good to pass up.

I was watching the History Channel last night and saw multiple commercials that insulted my intelligence. Two really stuck out.

Do you want to be your own boss? Set your own hours? Make a ton of money? To watch the commercial for this site you'd wonder why anyone actually works a real job. The web site is even better. The best question is "What monthly income do you want from this?" I wonder if anyone actually selects the lowest dollar range listed.

It's a tempting offer if you forget that things that look too good to be true probably are.

Once you are rich from working at home what more do you need? If you watched the QRay ionized bracelet commercial, you would probably say you needed to improve the quality of your life. What exactly does that mean? The website implies that you are supposed to be healthier, but avoids giving specifics for what I assume are legal reasons.

I am glad I have access to such educational programming. Without the History Channel I would never figure out how to make money or give a bracelet company that money. Those who learn from the History Channel are doomed to be financially depleted by it.

distractions

When I was in college I used to find every way possible to get distracted from what I had to do when I had a test coming up or a paper due. I would clean my room, find someone to talk to, play games on the computer, etc.

Now those days are back again. Rather than study for my test I am posting this comment. Golden asked me today if I would be doing much cleaning for her since I had a lot of studying to do. I don't like my choices. I guess it's back to work.

what a jam

Last night I finished off the last jelly in the fridge. There was only a little in the jar and so it took some effort to empty the jar. Very little makes me more happy to have completed a jar of something sticky. When the jar is mostly empty, my knife handle gets sticky because I have to reach further into the jar. Due to my OCD I am not a fan of getting sticky, so I like to get those jars out of the way.

I can't just throw away a jar of anything that hasn't spoiled yet, in part because I am a completer. I sometimes feel responsible to finish certain things off because Golden doesn't like to eat the last of anything. In our house I tend to be the one who eats the last of almost everything. That means I have gotten multiple opportunities to finish off a jar of whatever is almost empty in the fridge. Sometimes that is good. Sometimes it is just sticky.

an offer i can't refuse

Back when Golden was actively looking for movies to add to our Blockbuster queue she recommended the Godfather movies. Neither of us had seen any of the series, and it looked relatively cool, so I went along. So far we have watched The Godfather I and II. We have III right now and will probably see it this weekend or next weekend.

Before watching these movies I actually did not have very high expectations for what I was going to see. I do not always like movies that are high in testosterone content (think Rocky), so I expected that it might be a little boring. I really have enjoyed the storyline, though, for both of the movies that I have seen already. Specifically, I have felt Michael's descent from morality through the first two movies has been significant. This has been the theme and what has kept me interested thus far. My understanding is that the third movie has more to do with the results of his descent.

Something that really has started to get annoying is how stinking long the movies are. The Godfather II is well over three hours long. The other two come real close. I know there is a lot that the characters have to do in the stories, but it is hard to pay attention for that long. To watch a movie like that is to commit an entire night to the endeavor. The movies have been good enough, though, that I couldn't refuse the offer.

road trip

In class yesterday morning Forrest provided an introduction to a series he is going to do that covers a group of people as they travel. A discussion of vacations and road trips came up. As often happens, what I was thinking becomes this post.

The idea of a road trip actually does not appeal to me. I traveled in cars quite a bit as a kid, and that memory of being in a car for extended periods of time would make a road trip more of a chore than a vacation. Perhaps if I lived in a more exciting region (like along a coast) I could come up with a good reason why a road trip would be fun, but I would still be more excited by a destination than a journey.

I could probably count the number of real, actual, not-to-visit-family vacations that I have taken in my life on one hand. I could actually probably count them on two fingers. Maybe one finger. Regardless, I haven't really been a person to travel the world or the country without a non-leisure purpose. The past couple of years I have been a little more negative because of that.

To address this Golden and I were discussing maybe taking a day or two off in a month or two and just going somewhere, but it has to be real close and relatively cheap. Any ideas on where we can go to get away from it all without going away from it all (the KC area)?

the oscar grouch

I have a hard time caring about anything that happens in Hollywood. When Ben left Jennifer I couldn't have cared less. When Brad left Jennifer I couldn't have cared less. It's not been a good thing to be famous and named Jennifer lately. The reason I don't care is that I don't have much reason to care. From my observations, most Hollywood personalities are shallow and self-centered, which are two things that I absolutely detest. If I know that I know that I know that an actor or actress has more depth I might care some, but there aren't many of those.

When awards season comes around I am a little torn. I like the idea of awarding people who are good at what they do, but the awards tend to just be an opportunity for people to pat themselves on the back. What I mean is that handing out awards is great, but the process shouldn't take four hours.

Also, I have mentioned before that I dislike it when I feel manipulated emotionally in any way. It always feels like manipulation when specific movies and actors are described in terms that make them sound like the gifts of the gods and in a tone that is supposed to bring a tear to the eye. That's not going to change, though, because I am nothing like the typical Oscar viewer demographic.

Finally, if the Oscars are really supposed to be about talent, why is it that 90% of the people nominated for acting awards will be drop-dead gorgeous? That is way out of synch with the general population. An ugly guy has a chance to get an award, but not much. An ugly woman has literally no chance. I want to see an ugly woman win best actress or supporting actress rather than an attractive woman who played an ugly woman in a movie.

For all my griping, I probably won't be watching the show this year anyway. Golden is teaching on Waffles and Spaghetti at home group and I can't miss that.

merely average

For my entire life I have been used to having one strength--academics. I am not really athletic or outgoing or rich, so smarts is what I have. I remember when I was in fifth grade my nickname was Einstein. It wasn't an affectionate name by any means, but it did always make me feel I had at least one strength.

I actually think I am stronger in a classroom setting than doing an actual job that uses the material from the classroom, so I place quite a bit of my value in what I do or have done in school.

Enter grad school. I think what has been the greatest shock to my system since I started is that even when I am actually trying I don't do much better than average for the class. In both of the classes I am in right now I have around an A-. That is about the median grade in both situations. On the test I took last week I was right at the median score for the class (until the prof threw out a question). That's not supposed to happen when I take a couple of days to study.

I think that I have probably been a bit arrogant about what I thought were my educational capabilities. I always figured I could do what I wanted to in the classroom if nowhere else. I was obviously a little mistaken. Right now I would appreciate an occasional easy A. It doesn't mean that I'll get one.

red dwarf

I am a geek. As a geek I like many geeky things. There is no way around this. One of the geeky things I like is the British TV comedy Red Dwarf. The problem is I am rather obsessed with the show, like you might expect of a true geek. I have gone for weeks before when most of what I am doing is watching Red Dwarf episodes. This is a little weird because, while I may have a slightly obsessive personality, I usually keep it pretty well in check.

The premise of the show is that this guy (Lister) is on a huge mining ship in space in the future. He is put into stasis (just think deep sleep) as punishment for bringing a cat on board the ship. While he is in stasis an accident kills the crew and, because of latent radiation, he is kept in stasis for three million years. When he is removed from stasis he finds that his cat evolved into a creature that is similar to a human, but incredibly vain. The ship's neurotic computer (Holly) brings back his uptight bunkmate (Rimmer). Later, they find a robot (Kryten) who is obsessed with cleaning. It isn't an incredibly serious show.

The question that I keep asking myself is why I like the show. It doesn't even pretend to border on a realistic description of the future and the comedy is very dry by even my standards. The characters are entertaining but not believable.

I figured out my obsession, though. I determined that the Red Dwarf premise portrays what I would consider a perfect introverted fantasy. The main character is stuck on a ship with a few friends but not too many people and has ready access to entertainment, food, etc when he wants. He doesn't have to work in a traditional sense and he gets to see cool stuff in space. The only thing missing is Golden, and so I just imagine her there with me and that makes everything good.

I think that this is probably not a healthy fantasy. There probably isn't such a thing as a healthy fantasy, but if there is this isn't it. It is fun to dream, though.