I got in a heated debate the other day at work. Of course I would only get dragged into debate over a deeply important issue with significant spiritual or political implications. It was about roulette. My stance is that there is no winning system in roulette and his stance is that he has a winning system. It is not worth going into further details about this debate.
The main problem with the argument, and part of the reason it was so heated, was that neither of us was willing to wait for the other to fully finish speaking until we started talking. The conversation was a jumble of interruptions and not much else.
I determined after that experience that I need to work on my conversation skills. Golden has pointed out on a few occasions that I have interrupted people during a conversation. Sometimes I remember doing so and sometimes I don't. An example of a conversation that I might have with someone else at a social function that illustrates this follows.
Victim: "... so there I was on a deserted--"
Me: "Speaking of which, have you tried the lemon desserts over there. They are fabulous. Oh, I'm sorry. You were saying?"
Victim: "Uh, yeah. I was on this deserted island, and what did I see as I was walking down the shore but a--"
Me: "Plane? No? How about a cave? Maybe you saw Jeff Probst?
Victim: "No! I saw a bottle. I saw a corked bottle with message inside. Are you going to let me finish?"
Me: "Sure. What's stopping you?"
Victim: (Bites tongue.) "The message said--"
Me: "Hey, that guy over there looks like Jeff Probst. Isn't it ironic that you were just talking about him?"
After analyzing the conversation above, I am having a hard time figuring out where things break down. The "victim" didn't seem to be at all interested in what I had to say.
On a more serious note, I need to figure out how to balance my conversations better so that I don't unnecessarily interrupt people but I still contribute to the discussion. I know that when I do interrupt, it is due to the fact that I think that if I don't get what I have to say in now that the discussion will turn away from the current topic before I get a chance to bring it up again. As a result, I believe that I interrupt long-winded people more. I also interrupt people in discussions with long-winded individuals because I need to interrupt before he or she jumps in.
If anyone has tips for how to get your message heard without interruptions I am all ears. If you are concerned that I will cut you off before you are done telling me you can just add a comment to this post. I don't know of a way to interrupt that. Yet.
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4 comments:
Okay, so this isn't going to help you Mr. Dust, so you may want to stop reading now as this is the equivalent to a verbal interuption!
wow...you just saved me from posting two blogs! I have had a couple conversations lately that afterwards, I am hoping that the "victim" was able to say all that they wanted to say.
Since Mrs. Dust was the victim on both the occasions, I'll take this time to say, that I have the same problems as Mr. Dust and I hope she
1. Has patience with me and 2. I'll keep reading the comments for suggestions as well.
I also have a feeling that I add insult to injury by pointing out that I am interupting and talking too much while continuing with the next thought that is flowing from the conversation. I get perplexed, I can't imagine how the "victim" feels. Sorry to any and all reading this that have been my "victim" in the past.
If it helps anyone out there that secretly harbors ill feelings as a victim, when I go home to see my family--2 older sisters, mom, and very "passionate" father and brother---I don't get a word in edge wise! My aunts and uncles think I'm the quiet one! (I guess I am in those circles!)
It's funny that Mrs. Dash and I both seem to identify ourselves as the perpetrator rather than the victim in these scenarios.
Since we would presumebly be most often doing this to each other; it's amazing that we can actually communicate at all. Maybe we've just learned to leave big gaps in what ever we are talking about to accomodate the other's interuptions.
I personally take great joy in taking an interuption and working it into the conversation that I was trying to have - thereby allowing me to bring up something else.
Now if I could only get better at video triva ... I would be the coolest kid in school.
Dash, do you mean when you get interupted that you direct the coversation with a "that's a great point, which brings me back too...." Who would have guessed!
I don't remember the specific details when I was the victim. I do remember T apologizing for interrupting though. I did get to say all that I wanted to say. I am a slow thinker, so it takes me awhile to get out what I want to say.
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