gridlock

I've been running into a lot of construction lately on the way to--just kidding! Even though I have been running into construction, I certainly am not going to post on it any more.

There is a good reason that I entitled this post "gridlock." It is because I have taken some flack for "always posting about driving," and my gridlock post quite a while back was the catalyst for those comments.

Perhaps I am slow this way, but I never made much of the fact that I have heard many conversations between men about traffic or driving in general, but very few of those conversations from women. I guess I did not think through the fact that maybe most women are bored by the conversations.

This leads to the obvious question of why. Why are more men than women interested in conversations about getting stuck in traffic or getting from Overland Park to Independence in nine minutes? What is the missing piece? If you know clue me in. I'd like to think about it as I sit in traffic waiting for the other lane of cars to merge.

happy birthday

I made two mistakes this year. The first was signing up for a class that met on Valentine's Day. The second was signing up for a class that met on Golden's birthday. She has been very nice about it, but I'll be much more careful in future years.

Happy Birthday, Golden!

---

For those of you who want me to put a real post up today I have some thoughts.

Don't you hate it when you visit a blog and it feels like there is no real topic? It's like the author didn't have any good ideas for a post so he just typed something with no meaning. Just a rambling mess of nothingness to fill the gap in the posting schedule.

It's not like the blogger is doing anyone a favor. He could just admit he is drawing a blank and hold out the promise of a new post later on. He could just ignore his blog for a few days. Instead, he opts to waste everyone's time using a lot of words to say very little.

After reading the post the audience is left with the nagging feeling that the last minute or two of their lives were wasted and irretrievable. A sacrifice the blogger demanded for the privilege of maintaining a strict schedule on his site. A sacrifice that can never be gained back to be used for personal growth or entertainment. An expensive void.

Don't you hate that?

poll results

As long as I am doing polls I intend to give my thoughts about the voting, why I created the polls, or stuff that really has no relevant importance.

Blog Polls
My whole point in doing this poll was to verify that the idea of putting a poll on this site wasn't universally reviled. The overwhelming response was--well, there was no overwhelming response. Therefore, I proceeded as planned.

A Problem
Since I did my John and Jane post I thought I'd see how people would respond to someone with a problem. The majority would apparently use sarcasm. No one would try to fix the problem. I guess I'll have to look elsewhere for real help unless I'm looking for someone to mock my problems.

Gotta Go
The selections were rather evenly spread. The options weren't nearly comprehensive, though. It's always funny to see someone use the side of the road or a tree.

Looking at Me
This was an attempt at humor late one night. Enough said.

why i blog

Both T and Forrest have posted their reasonings for why they blog a long, long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away). At the time of those posts I had a vague reckoning of why I maintain this site, but I didn't have something clear enough in my head to type a post on it. I still don't, but since when has that mattered? Also, note that, for such a simple question, I certainly take a long time to answer it.

When I initially set this page up I was a little excited, but concerned about the idea of a personal blog. The problem can be best illustrated by the following deductive reasoning.

1. For Dust to write a blog he has to write something he likes and that people can understand.
2. To understand much of what Dust likes writing about one must understand how Dust thinks.
3. To understand how Dust thinks Dust needs to open up.
4. Dust is not sure how willing he is to open up.
5. Therefore, either Dust will clam up and run out of topics he enjoys to type quickly or he will take the chance of opening up too much.

I really have two purposes with this blog.

The first and more important goal for this site is to give my readers insight into what is going on in my head. I have gone through periods in life when I didn't really say much. Sometimes I still do. When I do this, most people around me have no clue what I am thinking. This is especially a problem because almost every opinion or feeling I have seems to require a lot of explanation.

The second goal for this site is to be entertaining. I want to know that I can write original material that some people actually want to read. I also want to get better at entertaining readers. Sometimes I purposely step away from this goal, but people have to want to read what I write for them to visit.

So I blog for my benefit and for yours. Doesn't that make you feel so warm and fuzzy inside?

guilty pleasures

Most people who read this blog know that one of my guilty pleasures is stupid sci-fi movies. I am sometimes a little embarrassed about what this says about me.

I was flipping through the channels last night when something occurred to me about the names and descriptions of movies on specific channels. I would bet that a reasonably accurate psychological analysis could be performed on anyone who was really drawn in to some of these movies.

The movie names and descriptions that I get the most entertainment out of are the LMN (Lifetime Movie Network) movies due to their extremely narrow focus. The following are examples of some that are showing this week.

• Lies He Told - A man fakes his death to marry another woman.
• Shattered Dreams: The Sheri Karney Story - A lawyer fights for incest victims after revealing that she was abused as a child.
• Shattered Dreams - (Yes, there are two movies by the same name showing on the same channel on the same day.) The story of the battered wife of an SEC official.
• Fatal Vows: The Alexandra O'Hara Story - A banker marries an undercover police officer whom she discovers to be a serial killer.
• A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story - A woman crusades for justice after four men kill her son who lived as a woman.

Apparently, the world is full of abusive men who want to take it out on their wives, or kids, or drag queens. No evil compares to that of an abusive man. I suspect that these movies are designed for women who have had bad relationships with men in the past. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with liking the movies. I'm just making an educated guess about why these movies would be appealing.

I can't stop here, though. If I'm going to be honest with myself, I need to point out the common thread on Sci-Fi Channel movies as well. The following are movies that are playing on Sci-Fi at some time this week.

• The Fallen One - An archaeologist must halt a fallen angel's plan to father a race of giant warriors and take over humanity.
• Dead & Breakfast - Survivors of a zombie massacre barricade themselves into a bed and breakfast.
• Deathlands: Homeward Bound - Humans struggle to survive in a world ravaged by war and radiation.
• King Cobra - A doctor becomes a thirty foot hybrid of a man, cobra, and rattlesnake when his lab explodes.
• Project Viper - A space creature that is spliced together with human genes and computer chips runs rampant on Earth.

There are a lot of threats to humanity's very existence here. Most (okay, all) of the premises are hokey. Some of the above movies actually sound appealing to me, though. I'm not 100% sure what this says about me, but I'm sure it's no better than my assessment about LMN movies.

you can't go back

One of the first memories that I have is from when I was two or three and I ran down into a ditch in front of my grandfather's house. I thought I was stuck there because I couldn't even reach to the top of the ditch, but my grandfather saw me fall into the ditch, so he walked over and pulled me out. We moved away shortly afterward and I did not see my grandparents' house again for ten years.

For years I always thought of that ditch as a huge chasm in my grandparents' front yard. Then, when I visited at the age of thirteen I saw the ditch again. It was between two and three feet tall and was not nearly the gaping faultline through the earth that I remembered. I had let perceptions formed when I was much smaller impact my opinions when I was older even though I had grown.

I think a lot of people do this about a lot of things. For example, I think a lot of people idealize the TV shows and movies of their youth. I have heard people talk about how they don't make TV or movies like they used to, but when I watch what I used to like I am a little embarrassed. The A-Team just doesn't seem like the high drama it once was when I watch it in reruns.

I think this permeates more of life than just entertainment, though. I think it impacts people's political, religious, psychological, philosophical, etc beliefs. For example, I still recall conversations from when I was significantly younger that I had with friends that have impacted my belief system. If I heard those same conversations today they almost certainly affect me less, and I would probably write off a lot of what was said.

This could be good because I am more discerning. It could also be a bad thing because "discerning" can be a nice word for "cynical." Regardless, it's an honest observation, and that is an opinion I will never change.

sign here

About a month ago we got a notice that Wells Fargo was buying our mortgage from Washington Mutual. I don't like the hassle, but there isn't much that can be done about that. There are over a million other mortgages changing hands, so a lot of people are affected. Thankfully, my mortgage complaints are not what this post is about.

While I was signing up for an online account with Wells Fargo I had to go through two of those legal documents where you have to click that you agree before continuing. I read through the first and sloughed off the second, which was the size of a large novelette.

What is with the size of legal documents presented for simple services? Are they long, in small print, and in legalese because they need to be or so I will give up and not read everything I am signing? My (very large) cynical side suspects that the main purpose for the complication is to frustrate me into not reading the legal stuff.

At what point are these agreements too much? At what point are they so deceptive that they no longer become valid? At what point do a large number of people unknowingly sign over all their worldly possessions just because they filled out a credit card application?

With all the documents that I have signed in my life and how few of them I completely understood, I am sure some company somewhere has power of attorney on me, or I have agreed to provide them with a 80% cut of my salary, or something horrible like that. What can be done, though? Not only am I lazy, I also have a hard time reading a complicated document when under a time constraint or when someone is watching me.

So, I'll continue to sign the complicated documents, and I'll continue to fork over my money to unscrupulous corporations due to clauses I did not read.

h2o

All pictures are from Wikimedia Commons. For copyright information, click on the individual image.

I don't think there is anything more soothing than water. The very sound of a soft fountain or the steady beat of waves on a shore can work the stress right out of me. The very feel of a long and hot shower has more appeal to me than almost anything else. Few commercials affect me more than those Corona commercials with the people sitting on the beach (and I don't even drink beer).

At first blush it doesn't make sense that I would get much out of water. I am not the type of person to do stuff like go to a spa and my sense of aesthetics is rather masculine. I think there are a few good reasons that water is relaxing to me, though.

First, I am more easily stressed than the typical person. This means that any relaxing effect that anything is going to have on the average person will only be magnified on me. When I watch and listen to a fountain there is a good chance that I have some tension for the sight and sound of it to relieve.

Second, water sounds distract me from my tinnitus. If I am listening to running water, I am not paying attention to the ringing in my ears. This point cannot be stressed enough. I hate absolute silence because that makes the ringing seem more intense, but the white noise of a stream, a shoreline, or even a shower provides a nice break from the high-pitched whine in my head.

Third, for some reason I think clear water is about the coolest stuff to look at in the world. I'd like some time to go to one of those places where there is an ocean shoreline of shallow, clear, and warm water. If we can afford it someday, I think it would be worth the expense.

There are probably many other reasons that I like to experience water that I can't think of at the moment. It would make sense that I chose to live in Kansas, wouldn't it?

valentine thoughts

I made a mistake this year. I neglected to check ahead of time whether any of my classes met on Valentine's Day. So, Golden and I are not seeing each other much today.

Valentine's Day brings out the best and worst in me. I like the motivation to let Golden know I love her (by the way, Golden, I love you), but I hate the marketing and general tone of the holiday. A recent Vermont Teddy Bear commercial says it all.

A woman in an office gets a Vermont Teddy Bear and all the other woman gather around and trash the men who didn't send them a bear. As this is going on, the men in the office frantically head to their desks theoretically to order bears for their significant others. The obvious point to the men watching the commercial is that you don't want to be one of the guys that is being trashed. The commercial is not about showing your love, because you can do that without spending much money. The purpose of the commercial is to convince men that they will be viewed as insensitive clods if they don't spend money on the bear.

I've already said too much. I love Golden. She loves me. That's all that matters.

sanctuary clock battery dies

Sanctuary Clock Battery Dies; Pastor Speaks for 17 Hours

DULUTH, MINNESOTA, February 12, 2007 (OTB) -- Members of Duluth Community Church got more than they bargained for from the Sunday morning sermon last week--about sixteen hours more. Pastor Morty Glover exceeded all personal records last week when he preached a Sunday morning sermon for seventeen hours, a move which he insists was unintentional.

"My sermon started at 10:45 as usual and at 11:30 it was as if time stood still," Glover explained. "I figured this was God holding back time for me like He did for the Israelites in Joshua 10. I thought there was someone in the congregation that needed to hear what I--I mean God--had to say to him. I didn't realize that the battery in the sanctuary clock had died."

Most of the congregation has watches and tried to signal to Pastor Glover that he was going long, but he was convinced that it was Satan working through them to keep him from completing his sermon comparing different lineages in the Bible. Eventually, people started walking out.

A few people stayed to the end of the sermon, but even several of those only did so because they fell asleep. "I usually nod off about fifteen minutes into the sermon and my sleep is interrupted when the pastor concludes the service with a loud prayer," said parishioner George Smith, "but when I woke this time the Pastor was thanking those who had stayed to hear what the Lord had to say. It is the most rested I've been in years."

Glover is still convinced that the battery dying was an act of God, but several members of the congregation aren't so sure. They have created a rotation to change the clock batteries every week. This group is managed by church board member Carl Jefferson. "If God wants Pastor Glover to speak that long again," intoned Jefferson, "He is going to have to find some other way to make it happen."

weekend chores

The last few months it has seemed that I have had a lot on the schedule every weekend. Unfortunately, the more stuff I have to do around the house, the less I get done. This can create a vicious cycle that only goes away when things I ignore start dropping off the "to do" list. I think this is because I have a hard time tracking everything I need to do, but it is also due to my general rule of laziness. This general rule goes something like the following.

Dust's level of ambition is inversely proportional to the number of different jobs he has to do.

As a result, I am more likely to accomplish a big task if that is all I have to do than a bunch of little tasks.

Under normal circumstances this is not a big deal, but I do need to do a few things to enhance the safety around the house for NJ. That should take priority, but I may still need Golden to remind me. She may need to motivate me as well.

infantile technophile

I've always been drawn to electronic gadgets. When I visualize a perfect world that blissful nirvana contains a lot of electronics. I know that am not the only one who feels this way. It always felt innate, but I didn't realize how innate it really was.

Ever since NJ has been able to recognize objects he has been drawn to anything electronic. He goes for the remote, the keyboards on the family PC and the laptop, the phone, and most anything else. I have two theories on this.

My first theory is that NJ sees everyone using the electronics and wants to imitate them. I suspect this largely because he goes after the things that he sees us use. He tries to grab the remote that we use the most over any other remote. He tries to reach for the keyboard rather than the monitor on the computers. He reaches for the phone when we are using it.

My second theory is that NJ is simply drawn to the gadgets because they look enticing. I suspect this largely due to my own preferences.

It's probably both of the above rather than one or the other. Whatever it is, one thing is certain. Golden is going to have to deal with two men drooling over the latest cool electronics for many years to come.

what a waste

Johnson County Wastewater has an option to pay one time a year rather than once a month. It saves hassle, so I always go ahead and pay it that way. Because I only pay it once a year, though, I don't see the bill that often.

When I paid our yearly bill last night I noticed that it gets shipped to Kansas City, Missouri. Why is that? Shouldn't it get shipped somewhere in Johnson County? Does Johnson County ship sewage to Kansas City as well? That gave me an idea for some potential mottos for KCMO, if the city were actually receiving our sewage.*

• Kansas City: Taking Johnson County's crap since 1936.
• Kansas City: Send us your money. No ifs, ands, or butts.
• Kansas City: A city is a terrible thing to waste.
• Kansas City: What you smell is progress, among other things.
• Kansas City: Flushed with opportunity.
• Kansas City: We're number 1 and number 2.
• Kansas City: It's what you make of it.

* Mottos do not reflect the author's actual opinions of the fine metropolis of Kansas City, Missouri.

the untouchables

How do you survive gunfire, explosions, monster attacks, and any other gruesome end brewing in a script writer's head? Become the protagonist of the story.

I have always known about the Kevlar nature of main characters, especially since this fact is the butt of many jokes, but I just recently started paying very close attention to it. As we were watching the second Pirates of the Caribbean movie this past weekend it was downright comedic how any character that the audience might have an emotional attachment to could not be killed, but just about everyone else seemed fair game. I actually think this fact was being used as a constant gag throughout the movie. If it wasn't, then the movie was a bit excessive.

Why is it that audiences by and large expect this? Why is it that main characters in action movies must go through some improbable to survive gauntlet only to survive? I can appreciate the need for this as a storytelling device, because the audience needs to understand the seriousness of the issue, but doesn't want to deal with the grief of losing a main character. It happens enough, though, that I can frequently predict which specific characters will die and which will live. A lot of people besides me can as well.

There are a few exceptions to the rule:
1. Characters that are nearly main characters will frequently be offed. If you are the significant other or parent of a protagonist watch your back (The Mask of Zorro).
2. If this is near the end of the story or the series and the writers or producers have no reason to keep the character around any more he or she will frequently be killed (The Matrix Revolutions, Star Trek: Generations, Braveheart).
3. If the character will be brought back to life or be proven to not have actually died, then it is acceptable to make the audience think the character has died (The Two Towers).

I think it's noteworthy that I can't think of any other exceptions to the rule. Simply put, it's almost impossible to kill off the protagonist in a typical storyline without one of my exceptions applying. If only I could have their life insurance rates.

maintenance

There are two things that I can do today. First, I can get the oil changed on Golden's car, since that is about two weeks past due. Second, I can do my taxes.

Getting the oil changed on the car is always a little bit of a degrading experience. Basically, I am telling the person at the desk that rather than do a simple maintenance job on my car myself I am going to pay someone else to do it. Granted, I have good reasons to go somewhere else to change the oil.

• I don't like being out in the cold.
• There is a good chance I would do something stupid like crossthread the screw at the bottom of the oil pan or drain the transmission fluid.
• Changing the oil is something like twenty dollars.

There are a few things I don't like about having someone else do it, though. For one, the wait. We have been going to Wal-Mart, but I am thinking we may stop doing this because the last time the wait was over five hours. Also, I have run into a number of people behind the desk at Wal-Mart who acted like the people who have their oil changed there are somehow mentally challenged or lazy.

If I do my taxes today I expect to find a refund. Golden's car can wait another week.

a prayer

Now I wake me up from sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I die while in my bed
I pray the Lord to rest the dead

Now I step me to the sink
I wash up so as not to stink
And if I die before I dry
Just towel me off where I lie

Now I get me dressed for work
I wear it all pants and shirt
And if I die while half dressed
Leave me there so I can rest

Now I get me out the door
My body pimples every pore
And if I die from the cold
Just stand me up and behold

Now I get me to my car
It's not been scraped yet thus far
And if I die before I'm done
Lie me down beneath the sun

Now I get me through the day
To somehow make it through the fray
And if I die before the dusk
Deal with me without a fuss

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
And if I die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take