camera happy

One of the best purchases Golden and I have made in the past year was for a digital camera. It is so cool that I can take snapshhot after snapshot without the fear of losing film. If I get bad lighting or a blurry image I know immediately and can erase the picture.

This weekend we crashed Dash and T's camp trip and spent some time with them. When we went on a 3.5-mile hike, which Golden probably still feels, I took so many pictures that she accused me of acting like a tourist who has never seen a tree before. Nonetheless, here are some of my favorite shots in chronological order.

tgis

Lately, we have been shorthanded at the office. Two people are on a medical leave, several people have moved to other departments or companies, we have had a few days where several people were on vacation or sick leave at the same time, and I am working with two different teams within my department, so I am feeling a little stretched thin.

From my discussions with other acquaintances working for other companies, it sounds like I am not the only person who is reaching the end of his rope. I have heard a lot of people recently say that they have considered looking elsewhere for work. This is not really an option that I am considering because I need to count on my employer to cover the majority of my grad classes bills, plus I hate the whole job searching process.

I said that to say this. Thank God that it is Saturday. I think I am not the only one who needs the weekend, but even if I am the only one I still need it.

the blog about nothing

From the day I started this site I figured that I would just post about whatever I happened to be thinking about at the time. Sometimes, this means I type a heartfelt monologue on the conundrums facing mankind. Much more often it means I write about toilet paper, disfigured appendages, or mismatched socks. The more I post the more I realize that my site is about the closest I can get to a blog about nothing.

For example, I find a spider in the shower. That's a post! I run into traffic on the way to work. That's a post! I get into a discussion about bathroom habits while I am at work. That's a post! I decide I have nothing to write about, but want to write about it anyway. That's today's post!

Part of my mind tells me that I have to write about something, then another fires back, "No, this site is about nothing!" Eventually that becomes a post too. Usually it becomes one of those long posts that only Forrest comments on, and that we debate for the next four days.

What doesn't become a post? So far I haven't set any quality control standards on my posts. That's why this one got through.

it

Here's one more thing to add to the "Things that annoy Dust" list. It really gets on my nerves because it keeps me from understanding people. It makes me look stupid sometimes when I don't understand what it is. This thing simply must be addressed. If this paragraph annoys you, then you know what I mean.

I get frustrated by the use of pronouns without antecedents and by the overuse of the word "thing." Why, may you ask, would this annoy me? Because, I may answer, I am a literal person who does not usually make the assumptions necessary to know what "it" is or who "he" or "she" or "they" are. I can hear entire an discussion without having a clue as to what it is about.

Golden sometimes tells me something like, "I am thinking about calling them about that thing that they asked us to do." Sometimes I can put two and two together, but I am too slow to parse that sentence properly. I tend to give a lot of blank responses during those conversations.

I commit an opposite crime that annoys Golden just as much. Rather than using "it" or "thing" to describe a word that I can't remember, I pause for an uncomfortably long period of time until I can think of the word I want. Golden typically walks away and does something else while I try to work out what the exact right word is for what I want to say.

What can I say? It's one thing about me she just doesn't like.

imposter

Golden has been reading a book called For Women Only lately about what goes on in a man's mind. She commented on the book on her site as well, in case you are curious. It is generally accurate, but must rely on generalizations to some degree since not all men are the same.

One thing that did strike home with me, though, is the idea that some men feel like they are imposters. I am thoroughly convinced that some day someone is going to figure it out that I don't have it all together. I always thought that this was my unique paranoia, but apparently I am not the only one.

I have always preferred to let people know my faults before my strengths so that there will not be any unhappy surprises later on regarding those faults. I have always had to veto this preference during job interviews because I have to pay for food and an Internet connection. That doesn't change the fact that I hate selling some prettied up image of myself to others. I know that an idealized version of myself will not be attainable.

The biggest problem I have found is in determining what part of this paranoia is truly paranoia and what is honest observation. I would hate to "overcome" the sense that I am being an imposter only to find out it was the truth from the start. In fact, I have taken serious steps in my life to make sure that I am not an imposter and am actually what I feel I must purport myself to be.

Anyway, the point of this isn't to get a bunch of people to say that I am not an imposter. If I don't know whether I am faking it through life, I doubt anyone else really knows. The point is simply to relay what is going on in my mind so that I am not an imposter in this area of my life. Or is it?

gray day

Golden and I ran a few errands this morning, which typically puts us in a good mood because we have a laid back time to laugh and talk while we go around town. One thing that kind of got to me today, though, was the weather. It was (and still is) very gray outside, and that always messes with my head. It makes me want to close all the blinds and stay indoors for the rest of the day.

I don't know why this is, but I have always had trouble keeping a good mood on overcast days. I suppose it could be the fact that it is colder on those days. It could be that the light is a little weird and so my body doesn't know whether it is nighttime or daytime. It could just be that I have a bad attitude.

I have to focus on the positive, though. I love Saturdays when I have no real responsibility, and that trumps the quality of sunlight on any day. Even today.

there was a crooked man

A lot of stuff about my body just doesn't seem right. I've discussed the whole bubble butt thing. I also have a few webbed toes and a distinct cowlick that affects half of my bangs. The abnormality that sticks out the most to me, though, is the fact that most of my fingers and toes are at least a little crooked.

I don't know if this is genetic or if I am just some sort of freak. I know that my grandmother and great aunt both have crooked fingers, but that may be due to arthritis.

When I was growing up I always had a hard time holding pencils correctly. Every pen or pencil that I came in contact with had those little triangular things that are supposed to teach you how to hold a pencil right, but that never worked. To this day I cannot write or draw to save my life, and I suspect a crooked right index finger is to blame. Even if it isn't to blame I am still going to blame it.

I guess when it comes to me the old saying doesn't really work. "When you point at someone else you are pointing three fingers back at yourself." For me it should be, "If I am pointing at you I am actually trying to point at the person to your right."

symmetryrtemmys

Golden and I can combine to form one OCD person. She checks things like the faucet or the locks on the door multiple times. This is not something that I will do. I have other traits, though.

I have already said that I do things in fours. I tap my foot in fours, I scratch my neck in fours, I eat chips or M&Ms in fours, I do just about everything in fours. This is a trait that Golden does not have.

Something that we both have is a sense of symmetry. This does not run as deep in Golden as it does me, though. Golden likes to make sure that things are decorated symmetrically, but there are two things that don't bother her at all that irritate my sense of symmetry.

First, she doesn't notice or care if a picture is not hung straightly. If I am in a room with a crooked picture I have a very strong desire to straighten the picture. Homer's Coffeehouse has a lot of crooked pictures.

Second, at night when Golden puts on socks to sleep in or to lounge around the house in she will simply grab two socks and put them on. They don't have to be a matching pair in color or style. I don't know why, but it irritates my feet just looking at her mismatched socks.

The picture below is a not-so-extreme example of what I am talking about. On this particular night, the sock colors were the same but the sock styles were not. If she is going to do this, I wish she would at least hide the socks behind some sandals. That should be a rule.

ahem, cough, wheeze

I have been coughing a bit lately and I am not sure *Cough* why. I haven't had a serious cold recently, though my sinuses were acting up a few days ago. The problem is that every time I get a cough like this the cough lingers for weeks *Cough* or months. The coughs are spaced infrequently, but they are often enough to drive Golden up the wall. The first time I got this cough after we were married she accused me of coughing on purpose to *Cough* annoy her.

I have tried a few remedies. I have found *Cough* that tea works temporarily, but very temporarily. When I went to see a doctor a few years ago he acted like I was faking it and prescribed a light steroid *Cough* that didn't work, but only cost me five dollars. In the past NyQuil Cough has worked but I can only take that late at night because it knocks me out. It *Cough* also tastes horrible.

I wonder if Golden realized that this is what "in sickness and in health" meant. If she had known this she may have stricken the phrase from our vows. *Cough*

gmat was just the start

Apart from the typical Saturday stuff I did today I have been trying to get loose ends dealt with regarding my graduate school application. I have until November 1st to have my application complete and there is a lot of stuff for me to do. To be precise, there are ten steps to the application process, though two are not applicable to me. Two of the steps rely on someone mailing me something to me, so those are the ones that I am most uptight about. There is just too much that can go wrong in the process.

As I am going through the list of steps I half expect to see, "Mail left index finger from the second knuckle up and include a self-addressed stamped envelope for its return."

Somehow I know this is all going to work out, because it is one of the few things that I have committed to that just feels right. As someone who occasionally operates on doubt I don't really have any as to whether I should do this. I just have doubt as to how much of a sacrifice getting the degree is going to be.

I also have that lingering fear that I will get the application sent then find out on November 2nd that I was not accepted due to something stupid like me sending the application to the wrong address. That is stupid, though. The Kansas state abbreviation is KA, right?

fashion and taste

I feel I should give my perspective on what is fashionable and what is tasteful given some of my statements on Forrest's sandals post. I have too much to say to make it one comment on the post. For those who are keeping score, I am simply making the point that we shouldn't judge people's sense of taste because they wear sandals with white socks. First, I need to provide some background.

From a young age I have always equated coolness with shallowness. To some extent I still do. I know this is a horrible generalization, but it is very easy to believe this when I observe that cool people are frequently cool because they are attractive, athletic, artistic, confident, or have money. While some cool people have depth, depth never seems to make a person cool. I, like everyone, wanted to be popular, but part of me has never let me be cool because I believed to do so would be to become shallow. I may not have been right most of the time, but that doesn't change how it has impacted my perspective.

Those who have been reading my blog from the start will probably remember that in one of my first posts I said that I believe I am not uncool. That is mostly true. I also don't believe I am cool, though. I have tried hard to simply be myself. No matter what people say, being yourself really doesn't make you cool. It just keeps you from being an uncool poser. For many people being themselves really does mean wearing sandals with white tube socks.

Fashion, from what I can tell, is simply a set of arbitrary and very fluid rules that a bunch of ultra-cool people get to set, and that the rest of the cool people follow and enforce by making fun of the uncool people. Fashion in itself is not a bad thing. God made people to like fashionable things. God also gave us all individual tastes, though.

Taste is what expresses the individual. Taste can be colored by fashion, but I would suspect that you are very easily manipulated if your sense of taste is completely fashionable. Taste is your opportunity to express what being you really is. For me expressing who I am is wearing jeans and a cotton t-shirt and kicking back because I value comfort over appearance. I am not implying that valuing appearance is bad. I am simply describing what my tastes are.

Even if I were the most fashionable person alive, who would I be to judge someone else's taste in clothing or anything else having to do with fashion? Who would I be to assess the value of that person's taste or to assess the value of the person based on what my tastes are or on what I believe is fashionable? I might as well judge him on his taste in food or music or women. It is almost like telling a guy that he is free to date any girl he wants so long as she is a redhead. If he dates a girl who is blonde or brunette, that is just disturbing.

What do sandals with white socks express? To me it is the expression of a person who thumbs his nose at convention. It is the expression of a man of action who don't want to expose his feet, but wants to be able to slip in and out of his footwear quickly. It is the expression of--okay, I really don't know because I don't wear sandals, but it is the expression of something.

tp

As Golden mentioned in her blog, she was kept from getting toilet paper on Saturday due to some technical difficulties. Because this wondrous invention has been on my mind as I watch our valuable stash dwindle, I thought I would share some random thoughts about toilet paper.

When I worked in a grocery store I used to be confused about the people who bought toilet paper one roll at a time. This isn't a major purchase. Live large and get the four-pack.

Speaking of the four-pack, this is the size that Golden would prefer to buy. I prefer the 48-roll jumbo package. We usually compromise with a 12- or 24-roll package.

If I am sitting on the john in my house the odds are good that there are no more than three squares of toilet paper left on the roll in use. Two will be usable and one will be that square that is glued to the cardboard tube.

I remember seeing an old ad for toilet paper that said something like, "Now with no splinters." Ouch!

A recent ad I saw for toilet paper claimed that since the paper was thicker you would use less of it. That is about the worst logic in the world, unless you are replacing one-ply with two-ply.

I would like to shake the hand of the person who invented two-ply. I would like to wash the hand of the person who invented one-ply.

I have never figured out the purpose in not perforating the large, industrial-sized toilet paper rolls that are placed in public bathrooms and are supposed to be torn on teeth on the dispenser. I have a hint for the people who designed that system. It doesn't work!

Few things confuse me more than trying to tear off a sheet of toilet paper from a roll where the end is on the bottom rather than the top.

Here's to toilet paper. It sure beats trying to use the Sears catalogue.

to degree or not to degree

Over the last few years I have mulled the idea of going for a graduate degree. Two things have held me back from pursuing this until now.

First, I was not sure whether I should get a technical degree or a management degree. I finally decided against getting a technical degree (such as a Software Engineering), even though it would be more specific to what I am doing now. I made this decision because I do not trust that a large number of technical jobs will remain in the United States over the long run, and I have noticed that most people who have strong technical skills only get so far if they lack management skills.

The second thing that has held me back from getting a graduate degree was a concern that I would go through a lot of hassle and expense for something that I would not have the drive to complete. I tend to avoid committing to things when I am not sure I can follow through on the commitment. I recently have become more committed to completing a degreed program, though, because I have started to realize that my long term prospects will be much stronger with a masters degree.

So, if you are reading this on Monday between 8 in the morning and noon, I am probably taking my GMAT test at this very moment. If I am not taking the test something horrible has happened, because I paid $250 for the privilege.

Originally, the GMAT was going to be a test that I breezed through and didn't give too much concern to how I would score since I obviously test well. After taking a sample test this past weekend, though, my ability to test well was not so obvious. It is amazing how much simple math a person can forget if he doesn't use it in everyday life. To calm my fears of getting a lousy test score I have devoted almost the entire weekend to studying for the test, and have skipped a long-distance phone call from a friend, a birthday party, planned yard work, and almost all entertainment for the weekend. I hope this isn't a sign of things to come.

Wish me well.

swag

Giving and receiving gifts is definitely not my love language. I am also not typically excited about getting little bobbles and things that are relatively cheap. For some reason, though, I get excited about the cheap little things that I get from work, like I am getting some sort of cool loot. In most every job I have had I have gotten a steady stream of low-quality doodads with the company logo on it.

This is a sample of what I have gotten in the last five years:

• More t-shirts, polos, and fleeces than I know what to do with

• A fleece blanket
• A coaster
• Clips to hold papers up on a cubicle wall
• A coffee thermos/cup
• Lots of pens
• At least one plastic cup
• Pins
• A koozie
• A keychain/bottle opener
• A diamond shaped crystal in a blue felt display box

The most unique item I received was in a ten year company anniversary party. Everyone in the company was given a closed felt box. When we opened the box, there was a glass diamond with the company name etched in it inside. Then, like now, I thought that was a cool gift, but it was about the most impractical thing the company could give. The box isn't great as a display case and a big diamond-shaped piece of glass is an accident waiting to happen.

The last thing I got was a pen a couple of days ago. It lights up in alternating colors, most of which I can't identify. These were handed out at our user conference a few months ago and I was able to hit my manager up for one when I found out there were a few extras laying around.

Of course, the happiness for this stuff only lasts a short while, but what happiness it is.

hungry, hungry, shakedust

The longer I live with Golden the more I compare why we do certain things. There are a lot of things that we do very much the same. In fact most of the personality quirks that one of us has the other one does as well, just to a slightly different degree. One thing that we are completely different in, though, is our motivation for eating food.

My eating habits are controlled by one thing. I ask myself whether I am hungry. If I am, I eat enough so that I am no longer hungry. At that point I usually stop.

Golden's eating habits appear similar, so it took me a little while to determine the key difference (ok, it's because I am slow). I finally figured out that she eats food for the experience of the food rather than to get rid of hunger. The fact that she is no longer hungry (if that is actually the case) is secondary.

Here are some of the things that I consider a decent snack:

• Two or three bowls of cereal
• Two or three sandwiches
• A bowl of ramen plus a sandwich
• Mac and cheese plus a sandwich
• A box of Cheez-its
• The leftovers that are planned for tomorrow's lunch (actually, it was my Dad who used to do this)

Here are some of the things that Golden considers a decent snack:

• A handful of M&M's
• A few grapes (lately, frozen grapes)
• Two or three Cheez-its
• Half a bowl of cereal
• Peanut butter spread over a single slice of bread
• Two spoonfuls of my ramen
• Two spoonfuls of my mac and cheese

cold, hot, cool, warm

I was feeling creative one night a couple years ago and typed this poem. Unlike just about everything else I do this really didn't have a point, so there is nothing to read into here. You can try to read into it if you want to, though.

Cold
Once scorned
Twice ignored
Ever wishes to be warmed

Hot
Once caged
Twice enraged
Ever hopes to be assuaged

Cool
Once heard
Twice conferred
Ever joyed to be affirmed

Warm
Once woo'd
Twice pursued
Ever pleased to have you

objective truth

There is one thing that defines my entire being. Almost every aspect of my personallity, belief system, and way I have run my life can be traced to one foundational belief that I hold. Without this one principle my entire life would be without meaning. This thing that is so important to me is my belief that there is such a thing as objective truth.

Most, if not all, of my audience will probably agree that there is such a thing as truth that is truth whether or not it is believed.

My belief in an actual truth plus some teenaged angst drove me to be the analytical person that I am. I always kind of viewed life as if every aspect could be analyzed, but not always to the extreme that I do now.

This has even shaped my choice in careers, as in technical support there is typically an objective cause to any issue. The root cause is truly the cause of the problem whether I know what it is or not. The entire purpose in my job is to uncover that objective truth.

It often surprises me when I hear someone whom I consider intelligent who does not believe in an objective truth. Without truth there is no such thing as logic (at least deductive logic) because deductive logic is reliant on given statements. Logic is foundational to intellect.

I could be wrong, but I generally assume that people who do not believe in an objective truth do so only due to the fact that they do not want to point out that someone else is wrong. I certainly do understand that motivation (which is the reason I even thought of it), but how can someone honestly use a fear of pointing out that someone else is wrong to determine what he or she believes about truth? A person doesn't even have to believe that he or she has a lock on the truth to admit that truth exists. To follow this line of thinking really seems either lazy or cowardly.

I can't assume I know what anyone else's motivations are, though. I don't have a lock on objective truth.

ding, ding, ding

I bet you think this is going to be a post about a bell or a ball peen hammer or something like that. If you do think that you are wrong. Ha!

Not long ago I noticed that the rear door on the passenger side of my car that I have had for all of seven months has three widely spaced dings on it. No other door has any dings, and they are obviously from three different people on three different occassions opening a rear driver side door and banging my car with it. While this is a logical deduction, it makes no sense to me.

My car does not get parked in parking lots other than my work parking lot very frequently, and if it got dinged at work I would assume that one of the front doors would show the brunt of the damage. Who rides in the back seat in a car on the way to work any more?

In case you haven't figured out, the picture below is a reflection off one of the dinged areas of my car door. It is difficult to take a picture of a defect in a reflective surface, but the triangular shaped white spot is one of the dings.

My problem now is how to deal with this. I have not looked into the cost of getting it fixed, but since my car is black I don't think it would be hard to get the correct color of touch-up paint. It's just that I am too lazy to take that step.