november news

I haven't done a top ten list in a while, and with Letterman's writers on strike I figure a few people might be going through withdrawal. So, here are the top ten news stories so far this month.

10. Britney Spears succeeds in making Kevin Federline the most fit parent available for their children.

9. Fans of "Survivor", "The Amazing Race", "Dancing with the Stars", et al fail to notice the Writer's Guild of America strike.

8. Dennis Kucinich and Duncan Hunter both put up a strong fight to be the most irrelevant remaining Presidential candidate.

7. The Mormon Church edits the Book of Mormon to modify the religion's assertions of the Native American genealogy and to make Reebok the official sports shoe of Mormonism.

6. Iraqi Kurds detain soldiers from Turkey who were part of a Turkish attack on Kurdish territory in Iraq. This reminds millions of Americans to add both poultry and cheese to their Thanksgiving shopping lists.

5. A senate investigation into questionably extravagant purchases by mega-ministry leaders causes Pastor James Shorm of Rochester First Baptist in Minnesota to stop using premium gas to fill up the church van, just to be on the safe side.

4. Gas prices skyrocket, dramatically increasing the income of nations in the Middle East and the smugness of the typical Prius owner.

3. Mattel announces that the company has plans to enter the nuclear arms shipping container industry since it has a lot of excess lead lying around.

2. Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry appeals his marijuana usage conviction with the rationalization that everyone in Denver plays a mile high and on grass.

1. An unnamed blogger who is short on ideas decides to post a completely unfunny top ten list and, furthermore, expects his audience to read it.