more contrived dialogue

A while ago I created a list of implausible discussions that were meant to be viewed as simple sketches. It actually got a much better response than I expected, so I decided to create a second list. Unfortunately, it takes a little time to come up with the ideas and the conversations, so this second list was a little late in coming.

Without further adieu, here's list two.

The other brother Darryl from Newhart, a Mime, R2D2, and Woodstock
Darryl:
Mime:
R2D2: *whistle* *click* *beep* *beep* *whistle*
Woodstock:'''''''''
Darryl:
Woodstock:'''
Mime:
R2D2: *beep*
Darryl:

Scrooge and Jesus
Scrooge: "I am here to meet with the Ghost of Christmas Past."
Jesus: "That's me. The 'ghost' part is just marketing, though."

A Homeless Man and Donald Trump
Homeless Man: "I was going to use my panhandling money for a sandwich, but it looks like you need it more. I know this guy who used to work as a barber and he usually hangs out under the bridge over there around this time of day..."

Young George Washington and his dad
George's Dad: "Did you cut down that cherry tree?"
George: "I cannot tell a lie."
George's Dad: "So, is that a yes or no?"
George:
R2D2: *Whistle*

The "Orchestra Conductor Bandit" and a bank teller
Bandit: "This is a stick up!"
Teller (fifteen seconds later): *sigh*

Hank Hill and a French soldier
Hank: "Would you like to buy some clean and consistent burning propane and some propane accessories?"
French Soldier: "No. I already have propane."
French Soldier (whispering to a friend): "Ha, ha, I told him I already have propane!"
Hank: "Doggone it, then why are you in a propane st—oh, never mind. Hey, are you from Tulsa by any chance?"
French Soldier: "No, I'm French. Why do you think I have this outrrrrageous accent?"
Hank: "That's why I thought you were from Tulsa."

Dirty Harry and Charlie Brown
Dirty Harry: "You've got to ask yourself a question, 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?!"
Charlie Brown: "That has to be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

Young John Dillinger and a career counselor
John: "I'd like to get into a career where I can take as much money as I want from others and they can't do anything about it."
Career Counselor: "Well, the IRS is always hiring."
John: "I don't really want to get into government work. Do you have anything else?"
Career Counselor: "You could become a lawyer."
John: "I thought of that too. It won't work for me, though, because that requires a lot of work. Also, I would like to find a way to integrate my love of firearms into my job."
Career Counselor: "The firearms thing eliminates automotive repair, working for a cable provider, and being a wedding planner almost everywhere outside the Appalachians. I really don't think there is much left. It looks like you're going to have to be a little less picky. Outside a life of crime, you just aren't going to get what you want."

Sigmund Freud and his wife
Sigmund's Wife: "Honey, can you go to the store an pick up some milk?"
Sigmund: "Yes, slave master—I mean sweetheart."
Sigmund's Wife: "What did you just say?"
Sigmund: "Don't worry about it. I just made a me slip."

Winston Churchill and a typical American Idol contestant
Churchill: "Never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense."
American Idol Contestant: "That's why I am going to devote my life to becoming a professional singer even though I was just told I have no talent. Take that, Simon."
Churchill: "Did you not hear me say anything about good sense?"

Robert Goddard and a technical support person
Tech Support: "Right click on the icon"
Goddard: "It just highlights the icon. Nothing else happens."
Tech Support: "You're left clicking. I need you to right click."
Goddard: "This is so frustrating."
Tech Support: "It shouldn't be. It's not rocket science."
Goddard: "You don't understand. I wish it was rocket science. That's why it's frustrating."