There was a debate recently at my office as to whether doing things like opening the door for a woman was a sexist activity. This was not a debate that I entered into, so it is not my intent to present a defense of one of the positions on the matter. I don't really fully understand the positions on the matter anyway. It is rather my intent to issue the complaint that I don't feel I am given the privilege of avoiding taking sides on the issue. Almost every day I will be presented with a situation where I have to make the decision as to whether to hold open the door for someone.
My concern with the whole situation is not whether the activity is sexist. That is tied up in whatever the motivations of the person holding the door open are, and I am quite sure my motivations in that regard are never sexist. I am concerned, however, that some person at some time will make a judgment about me based upon whether I decide to hold the door open for her (or him). Apparently, this will eventually occur regardless as to whether I decide to hold doors open for people or let them slam shut in their faces.
Why must it be that everything I can possibly do will either prove sexism or a lack of chivalry? Why must everything have a hidden meaning? Why can't we just install automatic doors everywhere?
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7 comments:
We worry about what other people think too much.
If you hold the door open for a woman, and if they know you, they would know that you are not sexist.
Wait...are you telling me there are hidden messages in everything.
You need to put your brain on cruise control everyonce in a while and just be.
...if she is hot open the door for her, if not let it slam in her face...that might be a response from the show "the office."
If I am walking with a group of people (2 or more) and I am first to the door, I hold it open for everyone (male or female.) I don't discriminate, I try to be first to the door to hold it open.
I think in general the whole feminist/sexist thing is over and girls don't mind acts of chivalry.
To be honest, I think about 95% of girls prefer the chivalry stuff and I tend to do the same thing with doors (open for both men or women).
Also, Golden is hot, so I try to open the door for her when I can. :)
Well, we try to instill in our children (note, both...male and female) that it's polite to open a door for people. I would say that sometimes I open the door for dash and C, sometimes I point out that C should open the door for me and N (or whoever.)
I didn't think C was getting this until the other day. He was helping to carry stuff in from the van and stood in front of the house door, to keep it open for me, arms full waiting for me to catch up! I was honored at that moment..that was a true act of chivalry, especially since it ended up that his load was heavy and mine...not so much.
I actually had a man scoff at me not too long ago. He had held two doors for me, each time I said thank you with a smile (I always try to say thank you when a door is held for me.) I proceeded because it was two doors and because I felt like it, to tell him to have a nice day. That's where the scoff came in.
I was put off by that. I almost blogged about it! Why would it bother you that I tell you to have a nice day? Then when I thought about it, when he held the door open, he seemed put off too....like "I don't want to do this...but I guess since you're a woman I have too."
I think rather then scoff at me, he could have let the door shut on me, I wouldn't have thought a thing about that...but to scoff at "have a nice day" that etched him in my memory forever.
If Dust doesn't open the door for me, it is not because he is mad at me. He isn't passive aggressive towards me.
I would respect Dust, but if I need help with the door...
Magrelo never opens the door for me. I'd love some chivalry! Go for chivalry.
How about trying this:
If you open the door for a woman and she gets her knickers in a knot about it and says something about sexism, then I would reply
"Hey, I thought you were a Lesbian and I was just trying to demonstrate that I make no discrimination about common courtesy based on sexual orientation."
sorry, I couldn't resist
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