Throughout my life I have been able to get along with the vast majority of people I have met. I can't say that I get along with everyone perfectly, but it is rare that I am at odds with anyone for long. The reason for this is that I almost never rock the boat on anything. There are well-documented exceptions to this, but there are usually extenuating circumstances involved.
Because I usually get along with people, I tend to become acquaintances with groups of people who wouldn't socialize with each other freely due to differences in belief or interest. Therefore, I have many "worlds" in my life. I have my work world, probably three church worlds, a couple of worlds each in mine and Golden's families, and so forth.
Given that this is the way I have grown up, I have gotten used to living a life of different worlds. I learned what offends people in specific worlds and avoid that. I learned what parts of my personality I can reveal in specific worlds, and tend to gravitate toward and enjoy those worlds that allow me to put on less of a front. I don't like people thinking that I feel the same as they do on social, political, religious, etc issues. If I am in a more restrictive world, though, sometimes civility expects that I bite my tongue when these issues appear. I reserve enough back to keep from offending (à la Romans 12:18), and I always fear that if someone from one of my worlds discovers the parts of me that I expose to other worlds that I will appear two-faced. I am also concerned that those from my less restrictive worlds will consider me naive if they fully understand most of the worlds that I grew up in.
Now I have added one more world to the mix, the off the bridge site. My intent originally was (and really still is) to be as up-front and honest about the way I think on this site, even if a few people are bothered by it. In this way, I could have a world that I could gravitate to where I would have the least facade of all. In truth, I have been selective of the people I have told about the site so that when I let my facades down it is not divisive. Even so, relaying opinions that I would normally reserve can be intimidating. I'm just going to approach this with the idea that being open may not be a bad thing.
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8 comments:
I too long to speak my mind more, but I'm very poor at confrontation or defending my opinions, so I tend to save that for safe environments. It does seem like everyone has a hot button area that is best left alone...I don't talk about politics with these people in my life, I don't talk morality issues with those people...etc. My concern is whether I water myself down too much at times trying not to cause friction.
I recently have made friends with someone that I thought about giving my blog info out too. Then, I thought again. We share different views on politics and spiritual beliefs. I decided to not give her the blog info. I don't value her less as a friend, I'm just not ready to put myself out there to her like that. It would definately colide a world or two!
I thinking that I may be lucky enough to exist in more than one of your worlds ... I'll try to keep the space-time continuum from rupturing too much by keeping breeches to a minimum.
While reflecting on this, I realize that I may have been dangerously close to causing one of these breeches when I mentioned playing a certain card game during Sunday School announcements.
I'm sure a well placed tachyon pulse from the main deflector array should avert any long term impacts to the continuum.
That's interesting - I know I a shapeshifter, and can make many feel comfortable by mirroring. Although I usually prefer to remain hidden to avoid confrontation. This blog business has me second-guessing what offenses I unwittingly commit. It's a little tougher to communicate without body language to set people at ease, but writing as an anonymous scary bear can feel liberating as well. My biggest fear is that everyone will discover that I really am a freak with multiple character flaws! I'm grateful to those who know the real me and allow a certain amount of grace. Revealing! This one has me thinking....
I was looking over some quotes that I had written down from my "People Pleasers" book and came across a good one. "If assertiveness causes a relationship to wane, it was probably not a healthy relationship."
Don't I get any points for using "tachyon pulse" and "deflector array" in the same sentence.
... oh sorry, wrong world ...
I greatly admire your openness to be real. I also grew up in a world of "not doing this because you might offend them". But the truth is, whenever I allowed myself to waver and take on a form/perception of a particular "world", that is when I got mixed up with what is real. For me personally, I got sucked into a very unhealthy situation with the family I married into. Now that I have experienced the freedom away from the facades, I enjoy life more and I like who I am too. I am sure I will offend people with my views at times, but I refuse to change who I am to please someone else...and this is the biggest thing I have learned in dating relationships too.
you guys have a real gift: the ability to keep your mouth shut and be non-confortational. However, I have been cursed with confortation. I will not let one get away with that comment that I do not agree. I poke. I instigate. I get in trouble. I regret. I wish I was quiet. My good friend Forrest and the Holy Ghost have been trying to keep me in check. I have more tact now than I did 10 years ago.
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