a half baked story

Ann had two loves in life, which were hemp clothing and baked goods. She was granola in every sense of the word. These two loves shaped her actions throughout her early life.

When she was a little girl she spent so many hours with her Easy Bake oven she wore it out from overuse. When she grew older she found that she very much appreciated the earthy qualities of hemp fabric to the less natural materials that composed more fashionable clothes. As a young adult she realized her dream of opening sandwich shop in her local downtown shopping district. She did not make much money, but she was able to pay her bills, she enjoyed her job, and she got to wear her grass clothing every day.

One afternoon, as she was examining a stain on the hemp shirt that she was wearing, Ann noticed a crowd outside her shop. Her blood began to boil when she realized that the crowd was gathered around the local congressman. Under normal circumstances she wouldn't care about random politicians, but this man had recently sponsored a bill that would make her beloved hemp apparel illegal. Someone had to inform him that this move had been a mistake.

She quickly grabbed a few hard biscuits, as they were the most easily accessible objects around, and headed out the door. Angrily, and at the top of her lungs, she shouted her opinions at the congressional representative, but this was to no avail. The crowd surrounding him was too loud and boistrous to pay any heed. So, sensing that she had little alternative, she hurled three biscuits at the politician in quick succession. Much to her surprise, as well as everyone else's, the last missile found its target and disoriented him enough to lose his balance. This caused him minor injuries and her arrest.

When Ann was brought before the judge she was defiant. She felt that she had not done anything that any other rational person in her sandals would not have done. It was only because people judged her as some sort of crazy hippie based on her attire that she was now being charged with assault with a tasty weapon, a serious crime after the raisin riots in the sixties. Unfortunately for Ann, the judge was less than sympathetic. His disparaging response, "You should already know that people in grass blouses shouldn't throw scones."