holiday plans

Golden, NJ, and I will be headed to her parents' house tonight, then to visit my family in western Pennsylvania this weekend. As a result, we may or may not be checking blogs over the next week and a half. We'll see how things go.

In the meantime I leave you with the top ten news stories of the past year.

10. Mel Gibson goes on a drunk tirade against Palestinians in a failed attempt to reconcile with the Jewish community.

9. Responding to complaints that the steps taken to block a United Arab Emirates company's attempted takeover of U.S. ports was racist, several lawmakers point out that they, "have several United Arab Emirate friends."

8. The organizers of the Winter Olympics hire Simon Cowell to help judge the ice dancing contests in hopes of winning over some of the American Idol crowd.

7. Democrats win back both the House and Senate from Republicans on a platform of eliminating corruption. In order to make good on this promise, however, they are forced to completely disband both institutions.

6. Millions of people become emotionally involved with Suri Cruise. An entire 0.02% of them will have an actual valid reason to be emotionally involved at some point in their lives.

5. President Bush advocates moving 100,000,000 troops to Iraq by June, 2007. Democrats counter that no troops are needed and control should be handed over to Al Qaeda because it is better equipped to deal with the situation on the ground.

4. The Pope offends many in the Muslim world when he asserts that Catholicism has developed way cooler mandatory attire than those who practice Islam could ever dream of.

3. Exporting horse meat is outlawed in the United States due to public disgust over the practice of eating the meat. Exporting cow, chicken, rabbit, duck, pheasant, turkey, moose, deer, bear, rattlesnake, pig, and gopher meat is still legal--for now.

2. A student forces a lockdown in Chicago Midway Airport when she is caught smuggling a bottle of Aquafina through a TSA security checkpoint. She will be eligible for parole in 2023.

1. Britney Spears becomes the first person in history whose life actually goes downhill after leaving Kevin Federline.