dutch

"It's the same thing with the feminists. You know, they want everything to be equal... everything! But when the check comes, where are they?" - George Costanza

The word of the day that we were discussing in my office the other day was, "dutch," as in going on a dutch date. Apparently, the term was originally a means for the English to denigrate the Dutch in a time when they were in competition for the same resources.

This got me interested. How many people have actually gone dutch? I've never gone on a dutch date. Not that I've dated much. No one in my office admitted to it, either, though. This leads to more questions. Arbitrary cultural norms tend to get me thinking like this.

I think I should make it clear that I am not here to agree with George, but rather understand what other people think about the man paying for the events in the relationship. I am certainly not trying to make a point with this post. This is one topic that I simply know very little about how people feel.

I wonder how many men feel they have to be the one to pay to prove their manhood. I wonder how many men feel they have to be the one to pay because that is what society says. I wonder how many women would be offended if the man decided he wanted to go dutch. I wonder how many men would be offended if the woman insisted on the date being dutch.

I wonder who initially determined that the man pays for the date. When the date was invented, did the man decide to pay because he wanted to prove that he had wealth? Did the woman decide the man would pay because she wanted him to prove that he had wealth?

When Golden and I were dating neither of us had too much money, but I did pay for most of the dates. I would probably have been a little bothered if I wasn't paying, but I do remember wondering if the guy didn't somehow get the short end of the stick. I didn't complain too much, though, since we both liked McDonalds.

When Golden did pay for the date (specifically Spring Fling at school, which was like a Sadie Hawkins event) she would typically hand me the money so that restaurant workers wouldn't think that she was paying. I think she did that to save my ego, which was very sweet.

I can see many positives and many negatives in this setup of the man paying. One of the huge negatives is that guys who have little or no money might be limited in their dating options. I strongly considered not dating at all in my first year at college to save what money I had when I first got there. A lot of girls at school liked to complain that guys there didn't bother asking girls out, but I don't think they understood the impact finances may have played in that situation.

The positives are mostly centered around the fact that men are going to be more likely to have the need to provide financially, so paying could meet that need. God must have put it there for some reason.

What do you think? Do you like the current setup or hate it? Am I approaching this like a male chauvinist? Is there anything that says, "I love you," more than covering the entire cost of a cheeseburger value meal?