emotional complexity

In my topic for today I have to readily acknowledge that I have very little idea about what I am talking about. This is probably the case with most of the topics on this blog, but this is unique in that in this case I wholeheartedly confess my ignorance.

I really think that as a man, or at least a certain type of "insensitive" man, I do not experience the nuance of emotions that I see a lot of women experience. I think the fact that many men are like me in this regard has caused some women to believe men don't experience emotion, but my observation is that this a short-sighted assessment.

I probably experience emotion as strongly as most women do. I couldn't prove that one way or the other, but I think the difference is that the way I experience emotion varies dramatically. This is due to a few factors, some of which are listed below.

First, I think that most women have a wider variety of emotions within the major emotions than most men. There are probably exceptions to this rule of thumb, but using myself as the guinea pig seems to bear this out.

A good example of this is in movies. There are a lot of movies (or books, or songs, or whatever) out there that I find incredibly boring because I view them as emotional tripe. Specifically, I think the point of the movies is to elicit a specific series of emotions out of the audience. I think that in the same way that two shades of red may look the same to a colorblind person (something I do understand), two shades of the same emotion feel like the same thing to me. As a result the movie just feels like the same old thing all the way through. At this point, that is how I am convincing myself that The Pianist really is a good movie, but it's just over my head.

This theory also helps me understand the appeal of more emotional movies, because I can appreciate intellectual complexity within storylines. If I just assume that I am the emotional "least common denominator" in the crowd I can better understand that I am as unqualified to give my opinion of that aspect of the story as someone who doesn't understand the plot would be.

Also, just like I will never understand the difference between the two shades of red, I don't think I will ever understand the differences between two similar emotions if I have not been blessed with the ability from birth. Maybe I could be trained to recognize them, but certainly not to understand them.

Second, the things most women and men are emotional about differ, so when men really do express emotion it isn't properly recognized. I alluded to this earlier, but the movies Click and RV struck my emotions in a way that I don't believe they struck Golden. You, Me, and Dupree did the same thing. I think it's emotion (and a deflated self-esteem) that is driving the men in those movies to do the things they do.

In order for me to be involved in a story emotionally, there has to be something other than emotion to draw me in. With the video More it is the ability to see myself making some of the same mistakes as the protagonist. With The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, it is a fuller understanding of the sacrifice of the crucifixion. Neither spend too long dwelling on emotion, so that helps as well.

Third, there are emotions that culture has deemed more appropriate for one gender to display than another. Men get to display the less nuanced emotions like anger while women get to display the more nuanced emotions like sorrow. Men get to shout. Women get to cry, weep, sigh, wail, sob, etc. Women who agressively display anger are considered overbearing. Men who cry or act depressed are momma's boys or just creepy.

Fourth, I think that women generally experience more things through emotion than men. Golden listens to music that she connects with on an emotional level. I listen to music that is enjoyable for many reasons other than emotion. There are only a few songs that I like based on emotion, and even for those I have other reasons besides emotion to enjoy the song (for example, strong lyrics or a good and complex harmony).

Finally, I think that more women enjoy experiencing all emotions (both good and bad) than men do. How many men do you hear say they need a good cry, or talk about their experience with chocolate like it is a close friend?

What's the end result of all of this? I understand my emotional limitations, but will continue to gripe when situations get overly emotional. Golden will have to continue to learn to put up with me.