end of days

I honestly do not know how my audience as a whole will take this post. It reflects my true opinions, but I think there are people who really care about this topic and some who really don't, and I am horrible at distinguishing the two. Regardless as to which group you are in, please read this with a grain of salt.

This past weekend I watched The Omen. The idea of the movie is that things that have happened in recent years correlate to the seven trumpets in Revelation 8, and that the Beast arrived on earth in the form of a baby on June 6, 2006. The movie was good, but not great. It was about what I expected.

After I watched the movie, though, I noticed that there was a short documentary on the beliefs surrounding the end times and specifically the mark of the beast in the DVD extras. A wide variety of folks were interviewed from Tim LaHaye to the leader of The Church of Satan. As is usually the case, a lot of people put a lot of value in their personal beliefs about prophesies in Revelation.

I am always amazed at the interest that the end times (also called eschatology) seems to inspire in church settings. In the last decade Christian producers have released not just one but two movies to theaters on the last days. The Left Behind series was somehow stretched to ten books. Finally, in my own experience when people in one specific class in my church were asked one summer to list questions they wanted our pastoral staff to address, they listed about four weeks of questions on the end times. Obviously, there are people who care. I am very nearly not one of those people.

Because I don't see how it applies to everyday life, the end times is something that I don't expend too much energy over. I tend to avoid conversations about it and do not go out of my way to study it.

There is one thing about the end times that I do care about. I believe that some people substitute an interest in knowing God with an interest in knowing what is going to happen in the future. Rather than look at the real meat in Scripture, I think that many people would prefer to waste time speculating what the four horsemen, or the seven bowls, or the seven trumpets mean. I do not think this is God's intent.

My eschatological belief is that God does not intend for us to know what exactly is going to happen, and that it is a waste of time to obsess over it. This may sound weird coming from someone who believes in the same Bible that contains the books of Daniel and Revelation, but it is true. I believe that if God wanted us to care about the specifics of how things will work out in the end He would have given us specifics. Instead God gave us enough information to know that there will be an end of days at some point (which some preterists actually disagree with, but it's not worth arguing) and that it will eventually be followed by a judgment. The rest is purposely coded in a way that we cannot decrypt.

If you think this sounds dumb, consider that God did this once before. There were Jews in Jesus' time who were looking for a Messiah to free them from Rome's iron grip. They had plenty of prophesies that could be interpreted to support these beliefs, however wrong the beliefs were. Every time I hear someone say with certainty that some obscure prophesy in Daniel or Revelation refers to such and such event that will happen at this specific point in a timeline, I am reminded of those people who thought the Messiah would be a warrior rather than a servant.

What really gets under my skin is when someone who I think obsesses too much about the end times refers to a verse like it is the ultimate proof that what they are saying is correct, but say it so quickly that no one who wanted to check the context could remember what the passage address was let alone take the time to look it up. But I digress.

Please don't get me wrong. I believe that if end times prophesy is in Scripture it does have value. I just read prophetic passages more simply than a lot of other people do. Revelation is an encouragement to a persecuted church not to give up. That is why there are two chapters' worth of instructions to individual churches. The prophesies in Matthew 24 through 25 are reminders that there are eternal consequences for selfishness. That is why they keep referring to treating others right. Daniel's prophesies are meant to show that governments are temporary and God is permanent. This is where all his prophesy ultimately leads.

To read more into the Bible than is really there is to put words in God's mouth. Unfortunately, I'm not smart enough for that task.

riding high

I have been having a problem with NJ lately that I never would have anticipated. I figured he might have trouble establishing a sleep schedule, or perhaps problems digesting food properly, or maybe he wouldn't like taking baths. I simply didn't figure on this.

When I hold NJ he will not tolerate me sitting down for any period of time. If he is in a particularly good mood it might take him fifteen minutes to decide he wants me to stand up and maybe walk around. It is usually much quicker than that.

Once I am up NJ typically gets much happier, looking around his surroundings and taking it all in. He can be satisfied like this for literally hours. Yesterday, I resorted to carrying him in his strap-on carrier (I think it's called a snuggly) while I stood and walked around with short intervals of sitting. I would have gotten pretty tired otherwise. Plus, I have a lazy streak.

So, as is the case with a lot of things, I generally know how to make NJ happy but I don't understand fully why it is such a big deal to him. Is the view from five feet really that much better than from three?

saved

I have always been a saver. I am sure that part of it was because I was taught to save, but part of it also has to do with a genuine concern about what I would do if I needed the savings and I didn't have it. A final large part of it came from the fact that I learned that saving was the only way I would be able to make a large purchase.

One of the people I work with does not believe in fully utilizing savings. This isn't an issue of math. His stance is that there is no such thing as security, so stressing yourself out to create a false sense of security is pointless. I have taken some issue with this perspective, mostly on mathematical grounds, but he does have one point that bothers me.

What gets under my skin is determining what the Biblical perspective is. The only book in the Bible that might be considered explicitly to back saving money might be Ecclesiastes. Jesus and Paul both made comments that actually implied saving money was less than ideal. What I struggle with is how much of saving money is due to responsibility and how much is due to worry or greed? Are savings a false sense of security? Is it irresponsible not to save?

I have seen people who did not save anything throughout life and expected family, friends, and/or government to take care of them when they were old. This can't be right. Refusing to be generous with those in need because I need a set amount in my savings or 401(k) doesn't seem quite right either. Then again, if Jesus saves, shouldn't I as well?

programmer for hire

About a year and a half ago I put some serious thought into taking on a side job in my spare time. I went so far as to check for approval from my "day job" for me to have a second job. I have long since decided a better use of my time would be to go back to school, so my investigation was short-lived.

Before I decided against doing something on the side, though, I signed up on a web site designed to hook up freelance programmers with potential contracts. I thought that I might be able to find something that would take a few hours on a weekend and maybe make some money in the process.

I never shut down the emailing service from the website, so I get a few emails a week about projects looking for a proposal. The emails are automatically sent to me based on a filter I set up when I signed up. All the emails are pretty much the same, so I don't even read them any more. They are immediately redirected to a separate folder in my email program.

As I was checking my email last night I decided to look through the folder to see what I was missing out on when an email that didn't look like the rest stuck out to me. It said something to the effect of, "Request for Proposal," and was dated July 8. Apparently someone looked through the site, noticed my resume, and thought that I was well suited for this project. The project would have even satisfied my requirement of being able to work on it on off hours.

I have to say I am a little proud because my resume has never impressed for any job other than standard technical support and junior developer roles. It is way past the time for me to submit a proposal, and I wouldn't have anyway, but it is nice to know I could have for at least one job.

pacing

This past weekend I watched North by Northwest, which is a Hitchcock film from 1959. The film is not incredibly long, but for the content it contained I would have expected it to be a little shorter. Conversely, I also watched Poseidon, and that movie kept steadily moving. This is an observation I have often made about the difference between classic movies and movies of today.

I don't want to make it sound like things are better or worse today than they were in the past, but I think the pacing of movies is a good example of the difference in how people approach things today compared to in the past. Popular classic movies often take great time to set a mood. Popular modern movies usually constantly keep the story moving. I think that films like Lawrence of Arabia and Ben Hur would be difficult to make today because both contain long gaps of story where not much exciting happens, even though both were "action" films.

I think people today as a whole think faster but shorter, and that people as a whole in the past thought slower but longer. A movie from the 1950s is often a very deliberate affair where there is not too much concern about moving the story along. A movie from this millenium is more likely to be edited to keep the storyline moving.

I'll end now before my audience loses interest.

technical difficulties

One of my classes this half of the semester is a pass/fail Global Management class, which looks to be relatively simple. There can't possibly be wrong answers. Also, the grade shouldn't impact my GPA, and it only lasts five weeks.

As an example of the simplicity of the course, half of my last session was devoted to watching a film on the impact of IMF (International Monetary Fund) policies on Jamaica. When the video came on the screen, though, we couldn't hear anything. The volume was adjusted. Wires were checked, and eventually A/V people came by and fixed the issue. They didn't completely fix the issue, though. The volume faded in and out and background noises came through much clearer than voices. Apparently the room had been set up for a satellite conference earlier in the day, and adjustments hadn't been made for a normal video to be played.

I am actually surprised with the number of times this sort of thing occurs. I can't count the number of times a video wouldn't play or a remote control wouldn't work or equipment seemed to spontaneously fail right when it was needed most. This has happened when I was in charge as well. I have had a few occasions when I needed a projector or a TV or something else to work when it just wouldn't.

So, here's the question. Why is it that when technology fails it does so when there are ten or twenty-five or one hundred people are waiting impatiently for it work? When one person sits down at a TV it just works. When one person pops a CD into a music system it just works. When twenty-five people sit down to watch a video, four times out of five something doesn't work. It's enough to drive a person crazy.

that bites

The other night I was minding my own business eating some cereal when it happened. I bit into the inside of lip hard. That was irritating! It hurt, it swelled up a bit, and I just knew that the bite would turn into a canker sore. I know this because I get probably on average one canker sore every month or two due to biting the inside of my mouth.

Once I had bitten the inside of my mouth once, though, it was like my teeth started to like the taste of my blood. I bit into that same location twice more, I lightly bit another location in my mouth once, and I bit my tongue once all over the next fifteen minutes. I was beginning to wonder if something had happened to cause me to lose any sense of coordination in my mouth.

Eventually, I decided it was about to stop eating. I can only take so much self-inflicted violence. Plus, I was full.

when i was younger

As I was reading through my last post something stuck out to me about the perspective. When a person (myself not excluded) writes about some change in his or her opinions, the viewpoint is always taken that the current point of view is the correct one. For example, I used to view sin as one thing and now I view it as another. Therefore, my current view is perfection.

One of the scariest things about having a blog is it is possible that my musings as a twenty-something person will come back to haunt me in my thirties or my forties or even my eighties. Everyone changes, and I am not in any way an exception. However, if someone were to read something that I write today in twenty years, they probably won't account for the fact that some of my opinions may have changed or my approach may have matured.

If I wrote a blog five years ago, I know some things about what I had to say would be different. If I wrote a blog ten years ago, a large percentage of my perceptions would be completely different from what I currently write.

So, what words of mine will I cringe about some day as I am breezing through my posts? What "deep" thoughts will I think are tripe when I am older? What quotes will I find foolish? My goal is to write more that I will be proud of than regret. Only time will tell how frequently I really do put my foot in my mouth.

bad and not so bad

Please note that I write from my own experience in a conservative church culture. I understand that other people may have had different experiences.

I will be getting back to this, but for the meantime, please rank the following misdeeds in your mind in order of seriousness or in order of what you would never want others to think of you. Would you rather have someone think you were prideful than a liar? If so, put dishonesty above pride in the rankings.

Sins to rank: Pride, Vanity, External Anger Issues (verbal abuse, physical abuse, etc), Dishonesty, Gossip/Slander, Selfish Ambition, Being Manipulative, Lust

Usually, when I think of sexism or when I hear others talk about sexism it is in reference to women getting the short end of the stick. I definitely think that happens on occasion, and I do not wish to diminish that with what I am about to say. I agree with some of the claims of sexism I that have heard and not with others that I have heard, but that is fodder for a different post.

Usually, people don't think about sexism against men for what I am sure are a variety of reasons. My experiences within some more conservative church culture, though, has been that femininity is equated to holiness. This is perhaps best illustrated by the typical teaching that is directed specifically at women and at men.

Typical Training Content for Women:

"You probably don't like yourself, but God does. He likes you a lot. He wants you to love yourself. He made you beautiful. Love yourself. God doesn't make things that are not beautiful, so you are beautiful. You shouldn't hate yourself. God loves you."

Typical Training Content for Men:

"You slimeballs! Statistically speaking, about 98% of you are contemplating cheating on your wives. That includes those of you who aren't married.

"If you don't have a job, why aren't you providing for your family? If you do have a job, why aren't you spending enough time with your family?

"If you loved your family you would be a leader. Obviously, you aren't enough of a leader, or you wouldn't be in this session. Leadership means realizing every thought you have is evil. Everyone who has had an evil thought raise your hands. The rest of you are liars. Get into an accountability group now!"

The above descriptions are exaggerations, but they are not complete exaggerations. Because of this approach within the church culture I used to think that women somehow were naturally more holy than men were. Obviously, if men need to be told they are scumbags, but women need to be told to love themselves, men are in worse shape.

Also, it is worth noting that the people who thought I was a good kid when I was growing up always emphasized the aspects of my personality that were not like a typical boy. I didn't roughhouse as much. I had a clean sense of humor. I was more dressed up than other boys at church. Girls were considered good kids specifically if they retained traits believed common to girls.

A final contributing factor to my belief in feminine holiness was the attention that I saw given to traditionally male sins rather than traditionally female sins. Lust and violence were about the worst evils the earth contained. Gossip and vanity were actually encouraged in some settings. Obviously, God cared about punishing the sexually promiscuous and overlooked the wrongs of the people who gossiped about the sexually promiscuous.

I have spent a large part of my life trying to downplay or avoid many of my more male traits because I associated more female traits with the behavior God wanted.

At this previous time in my life, I would have ranked sins I mentioned earlier in the following order. I have marked what I believe are traditional male sins with "M," what I think traditional female sins with "F," and a couple I think are traditionally gender neutral with "N." Just because it is marked with an "M" or an "F" does not mean I think the misdeed is specific to a gender.

1. Lust (M) 2. Dishonesty (N) 3. Anger Issues (M) 4. Pride (N)

5. Selfish Ambition (M) 6. Being Manipulative (F) 7. Gossip/Slander (F) 8. Vanity (F)

I would by far prefer to have been known as a vain person rather than to have been known as a pervert. Actually, that is still the case. It wouldn't bother me much to be wrongly accused of being vain, but to be wrongly accused of being perverted would be absolutely horrible because of the shame involved. Vain people are usually seen as cool, quirky, or refined. I think this is very telling of church views toward masculinity. This doesn't change the fact that one is not really better than the other, though, and that both types of people are self-centered.

My beliefs have changed in recent years. God does not watch for people to commit specific sins so He can punish those who do the really bad things. People choose God or self constantly throughout their lives and come to a point where they are willing for Him to have every aspect of their lives or they are not. There is no better or worse sin. If you are not willing to give something to Him in the end, that is the worst sin. In this way men and women are no different.

metro or not

The argument of the week at work was what counts as metrosexual. Does appearing very stylistic count? Does a person have to care a lot about grooming?

The reason for these questions is that some believe that Ty Pennington of Extreme Makeover counts as a metro. I and at least one other person I work with do not believe so. Others have pointed out that choice in hair and clothing styles are ample evidence of Ty's metroness, but I think that appearances shouldn't count if there is a chance that someone else made the fashion choices. There was also some dispute over whether Ty makes his own fashion choices.

Anyway, this is an issue that has been far from resolved. Does anyone else have input?

not at work

My day off Tuesday reminded me of a question I often ask myself. What's with all the activity around town during typical office and school hours? In retrospect, since I don't know the answer I am probably the wrong person for me to ask.

It seems any time I am not at work on a typical work day I notice a ton of people who are out and about going about their lives and not in the office. I know that a percentage of people are retired and a percentage are homemakers, but not everyone looks like they fall into these categories.

This is what struck me the most about how busy the library was on Tuesday. It was a time when most people are in work, but a large number of people were reading magazines or surfing the net at the library.

When I am out and I see people who I would assume would be in an office at that moment I start wondering. Are they actually working and I don't know it? Do they work weird hours? Are they currently out of work? Are they trust fund babies? Are they on a vacation? Are they full-time students? How is it that they don't have to be physically at work right now? I'd like to know.

livin' la library loca

I took the day off work yesterday and studied at the library for most of the day for my Accounting final. If you don't know what is coming next, you haven't been reading this blog for long. Here's my bulleted list of random thoughts and observations from yesterday.

• Before I went to the library I stopped by the bank to deposit that $20 reimbursement check I got a month ago. I ate breakfast in the parking lot at the bank and noticed that cars were going through the drive-through. I planned on using one of the deposit slips available inside the bank so I walked up to the door and found it locked. That was enjoyable, since several employees were able to watch me perfectly. Apparently, the drive-through opens an hour before the rest of the bank.
• When I got to the library it was about five minutes till nine. It was obvious that the library opened at nine because there was a large group of people (about ten) waiting for the place to open. I have to wonder about people who get up early in the morning and stand in the rain to get into the library as soon as it opens.
• As soon as the library opened, I got out of the car and walked for what was probably twenty seconds to get into the building. What was weird was that everyone in the library had the look like they had been there for a while rather that twenty seconds. It's hard to explain.
• There were posters up for National Hispanic Heritage Month. Two thoughts on that. First, it goes from September 15 to October 15. I'd love to hear why they didn't just pick September or October. Second, the posters were obviously aged, and one was specific to the year 2001. I wonder how many years' use they will get out of those posters.
• There are a ton of people who use the library in the late morning and early afternoon on Tuesday. I'd expect that on Saturday, but Tuesday?
• Two different groups reserved the same conference room at the same time. I got to witness the confusion. Good times.
• All through the test my stomach was making noises. It sounded like I was releasing gas throughout the test. That is definitely not what I was doing.
• My plan really worked out. Taking a day off to study helped me out a lot with my test.

spilled milk

Last night I ran out of milk in the middle of pouring a bowl of cereal. I don't really like opening a new bottle because the first little bit has a habit of dribbling down the side of the bottle, but I didn't have a choice unless I wanted dry cereal.

As I was pulling the plastic ring off the cap so I could open the bottle it stuck and the cap flew off spilling a bit of milk in the process. My immediate reaction was to get mad at the cap. I realized that was stupid, so I decided to get mad at the machinery that created the cap. That was more logical. After I spent a little time cleaning up I realized that even this was stupid.

Why is it that every time something mildly irritating happens my first reaction is to want to blame something or someone else? I think it is that it removes responsibility from me. I was aggravated that I had to clean up and I didn't want to be aggravated at myself.

I think this offers some explanation about how issues can escalate so quickly. If somebody cuts me off, I don't want to believe that it is because I didn't allow him the right-of-way earlier when I should have. I want to just think that the guy is a jerk. I am sure that a lot of other issues, both those with which I am involved and those I am not, would go away if people would stop and think through how stupid the anger is. That would take the fun out of being angry, though.

yankees, go home

I mentioned earlier that I have been a Detroit Tiger fan for a while. As a result, I haven't watched many postseason baseball games with much interest in my short lifetime. Not only have I watched my team decline from bad to worse over the years, I have also watched as some teams amassed all-star lineups for big bucks to essentially buy the World Series.

All this combined to make the past weekend, when the Tigers literally stunned and annihilated the Yankees, a very good weekend for me. The Yankees have a team payroll of just under $200 million dollars. The Red Sox, who are second on the list of how much teams spend, have a payroll nearly $80 million less than this. Because the Yankees have seemed so set on buying the World Series I have viewed the organization as the personification of evil in baseball.

Fortunately, of the top ten spending teams, only the Mets (number five on the list) have not already been eliminated. I'd like to see them go soon as well.

Now that the Yankee players don't have the postseason to keep them busy, here's a list of the top ten things they can do with the $200 million they made this past year.

10. Buy thousands of tokens for the batting cages at the local putt putt place to improve follow through.

9. Keep cable payments up to date so that they can watch the remaining postseason games that show on ESPN.

8. Pool together resources to hire a hit man to take out the pitching staff for whoever next year's postseason opponent is.

7. Increase payments to BALCO.

6. Start an advertising campaign to encourage Steinbrenner to spend $300 million next year.

5. Create own periodical so there will be at least one local newspaper that isn't calling for A-Rod's head.

4. Buy an endless supply of glasses with fake noses so as not to be recognized on the street.

3. Purchase the Detroit Tigers organization and rename it to "The Yankees" to have some playoff wins on the record.

2. Blow it on meaningless junk that will never make anyone happy.

1. Buy tickets to Mets games.

personal constellations

Pepi: "Tell me more! I want to know all the constellations!"
Homer Simpson: "Well, that one's Jerry, the cowboy. And that big-dipper-looking thing is Alan... the cowboy."

Like the above quote from The Simpsons attests, people like to see familiar things in randomness. Few of the constellations look anything like what they are supposed to portray, but that has not kept humanity from seeing fish, or scorpions, or twins, or bulls, or hunters up there. I am apparently no different.

Any time I visit the bathroom or I lay in bed and have the chance to look at a wall, ceiling, floor, or anything else that looks textured or dotted or splotchy, I see a face or animal or something like that. It is not voluntary. I assume most other people are like that, though I also assume that some people are more prone than others to let their attention be pulled to what might be seen in the texture of a wall.

I find it fascinating that, even though I might look at the same wall day after day I will see something different each time. I usually can't even find the face or animal that I noticed the previous time I looked at that patch of wall.

Sometimes I will be so intrigued about some new character that I noticed on the wall that I get spaced out and get lost in imagination about what that character might be doing in his or her current pose. A few days ago in the shower I determined that the Uncle Sam character that my mind had put together was himself lost in thought with his head turned away from me and leaning on his elbow. Kind of like a nonchalant cowboy.

sales strategy

Every time I visit the grocery store any more there is some group trying to sell me something as I enter. On Saturday it was a boy scout troop that was selling popcorn.

I usually am willing to buy a small item to help out the people trying to sell, because it is invariably a large group of kids with two or three adults. It's probably better that they are at the store than going door to door, for safety reasons if nothing else. I don't go out of my way, though.

Back to the story. I was given the typical, "would you be willing to buy..." line as I approached the doors. I commented, as I always do, that I prefer not to purchase items on the way in, but I might buy on the way out. I quickly forgot about the kids and went about my shopping.

On the way out I made sure that I had cash available so I wouldn't have to fumble with my wallet when asked to buy popcorn again. I usually like to make the process as quick as possible because, as far as I am concerned, I am still grocery shopping if I haven't left the parking lot yet. I don't like to shop for groceries for too long.

As I stepped out the door I saw two kids walk my direction. "Here it is," I thought. "It's time to buy the popcorn." Then, to my surprise, I noticed that the kids were walking not toward me, but toward a lady behind me who was trying to enter the store. The kids were apparently explicitly targeting people walking into the store rather than walking out.

What makes this story a little more humorous is that this is the second time in two weeks that something like this has happened to me. The last time I went grocery shopping some kids tried to make the sale on the way in, but not on the way out. Their loss.

klutz

I think I must have had an inner ear problem yesterday. Here's a laundry list of my mistakes on Sunday.

• I was trying to pick up NJ in Sunday School from under a table and bumped his head against the table. It wasn't a hard bump and he was already crying, but since it moved the table some people snickered. It didn't hurt NJ, but it probably made half the class think he may need to be kept away from his dad.
• At the end of class I tipped my cup up to finish my iced tea, and a stream ran from the corner of my mouth down my shirt. This amused several.
• To get a ladder out of the garage I needed to shift some stuff around. As I was moving the weedwacker in a hunched over position I didn't realize that I had moved under some shelves. The neighbors may have seen it because the garage door was open, but I think I was the only person around to get any enjoyment out of that event.
• Later in the day NJ was crying, so I grabbed him and sat down on the floor to give him some attention. As I was holding him I leaned back and banged my head against our rocking chair. NJ smiled, but I have my doubts that his smile was connected to my throbbing head.
• As we were leaving home groups I picked up the baby carrier with NJ inside and promptly banged it against the banister. NJ didn't react, but a few others did.

I'd say more, but I think it's safer if I sit in one location and don't do anything for a while.