Here's another installment of contrived dialogue. I don't think this one has as many strange combinations of characters as my previous two have, but the general thought is still the same.
Bernie Madoff and a Friend
Madoff: "Can you believe it? My financial advisor stole all of my money!"
Friend: "Aren't you your own financial advisor?"
Madoff: "Yeah, and that makes it that much more difficult to take."
Toucan Sam and a severe literalist
Toucan Sam: "Follow your nose!"
Literalist: "So long as it is attached to my body, I have to."
Prince Hamlet and King Hamlet
Prince Hamlet: "To be or not to be, that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to — 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub—"
King Hamlet: "Why can't you ever just make a simple decision?"
Goerge Carlin and the roadrunner
Carlin: "You can't say *Beep*, *Beep*, *Beep*, *Beep*, *Beep*, *Beep*, or *Beep* on television."
Roadrunner: "Beep-beep!"
Carlin: "Well, you can say that."
Mikhail Gorbachev and Ronald Reagan
Gorbachev: "I've been toying with the idea of expanding my living room by merging it with the adjoining bedroom. What do you think?"
Reagan: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"
Santa Clause interrogated by the police
Officer: "Come on, we know you know who did it."
Clause: "I'll never talk!"
Officer: "We know that you know who's been bad or good so tell us who's been bad for goodness sake."
Clause: "You'd better watch out, I'm telling you why—"
Officer: "That's it! Threatening an officer. A night in the slammer should cool your attitude down a bit."
Columbus and an amazingly prescient crew member
Columbus: "Is that land? We've made it! We've traveled around the world all of the way to India!"
Crew Member: "That's a possibility, but it's more likely that you simply drastically miscalculated the size of the earth, thereby assuming that you have reached the East when you have not even travelled halfway there, and have instead encountered a continent hitherto undiscovered by Europeans, but that you will continue to assume is India until your death because the Caribbean obviously looks a lot like the East Indies to fifteenth century Europeans."
Columbus: "I'll tell you what. I'll call the natives 'Indians,' and we'll know we aren't in India if they correct us."
Patrick Henry and a used car salesman
Henry: "Give me a Liberty or give me death!"
Salesman: "It sounds like you're a man who knows what he likes. Unfortunately, we don't have any Liberties today, but if you're in the mood for a Jeep I've got a Grand Cherokee over here that still has the new car smell."
Robert Frost and his wife
Frost: "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
Wife: "Yeah, it made all of the difference. It's why we've been circling the boondocks for a half hour. Will you finally stop and ask for directions?"
Charles Dickens and King Hamlet
Dickens: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."
King Hamlet: "And I thought my son was indecisive."
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1 comment:
witty as always
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