This Sunday our church is having a potluck. I don't really have strong opinions about whether they are good or bad. There are good things about them and bad things. I know that they make for easy inside jokes in churches that have a lot of potlucks, so that's something. The thing that I like least about them, though, is how difficult it is to tell what exactly it is that is in specific pots.
Almost any time I attend a potluck I cannot identify between a quarter and a third of the dishes in the lineup. This stems from the fact that almost everything is a casserole or some other dish whose ingredients are difficult to identify. I think my colorblindness may play a part too. My guess is that most people identify questionable dishes by their color, but the common casserole colors (yellow, orange, tan, green, light brown) look very similar to me. As a result I almost always have at least one thing on my plate that I cannot identify until I have tasted it.
Very frequently at a potluck someone brings a KFC bucket, and while it sticks out, it is always one of the first things to go. As much as I like KFC, I think the main reason that it goes quickly is because people know what it is, rather than that they like it more than anything else on the table. When compared with difficult-to-identify food, a piece of original recipe is safer which simply makes it the better choice.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
tracking
Next year is mine and Golden's ten year anniversary. We are considering a vacation somewhere sunny that summer, but nothing is written in stone yet. Whether Golden is comfortable being away from the kids for that long or whether we decide that we have the money available to do this is still up in the air. However, I have been investigating places in the Caribbean lately so can I know what kind of prices and experiences we would be considering.
One key point in this whole process is that we would need to leave the kids somewhere. The logical thing to do is to leave them with my parents because they do not get enough time with their grandkids anyway. If we did this, we would fly from Pittsburgh to wherever we decided to go, and I have taken this into account in my searching.
Because of this, I was a little taken aback a few days ago when I was on Snopes. A Travelocity banner ad specifically targeted me based on a search I had performed previously. I know this because this is the only way the ad would know that I would want to fly from Pittsburgh. I understand the technology behind the ad (it simply stored my search in a cookie in my browser), but in my experience it marks the beginning of something that will become much more prevalent in the near future.
What is really surprising is that this may be the first time that I have been able to identify an ad targeted directly to me rather than to the demographic of people targeted by the content that I am accessing. For example, I have seen ads for the Mythbusters TV show on Snopes before, but I am pretty sure that was targeted more to the general Snopes audience rather than to me personally. I would have expected that, by now, I would have seen more advertising that targets me personally, especially from Google ads.
I am not entirely convinced that Google stock is worth the premium that it goes for in the market. Even so, it has a compelling advertising business model if it can be implemented properly. Why is Google willing to host so many useful services essentially for free? Google Earth can't be bringing in much revenue. Neither can Gmail. However, the information that Google can eventually collect about all of its users through the different applications that it hosts will eventually be incredibly valuable to its targeted advertising.
I think that the feasibility of using the Internet to host a large volume of proprietary content for free depends on this targeted marketing. Many content producers are going out of business or having a tough time finding realistic revenue streams (think newspapers). At some point those who produce high-quality content will demand a higher price or get out of the business. Since targeted ads can command better revenue, it makes sense that such ads could be the savior of much of the content online. If it isn't, look forward to a lot of content going away or ceasing to be free.
One key point in this whole process is that we would need to leave the kids somewhere. The logical thing to do is to leave them with my parents because they do not get enough time with their grandkids anyway. If we did this, we would fly from Pittsburgh to wherever we decided to go, and I have taken this into account in my searching.
Because of this, I was a little taken aback a few days ago when I was on Snopes. A Travelocity banner ad specifically targeted me based on a search I had performed previously. I know this because this is the only way the ad would know that I would want to fly from Pittsburgh. I understand the technology behind the ad (it simply stored my search in a cookie in my browser), but in my experience it marks the beginning of something that will become much more prevalent in the near future.
What is really surprising is that this may be the first time that I have been able to identify an ad targeted directly to me rather than to the demographic of people targeted by the content that I am accessing. For example, I have seen ads for the Mythbusters TV show on Snopes before, but I am pretty sure that was targeted more to the general Snopes audience rather than to me personally. I would have expected that, by now, I would have seen more advertising that targets me personally, especially from Google ads.I am not entirely convinced that Google stock is worth the premium that it goes for in the market. Even so, it has a compelling advertising business model if it can be implemented properly. Why is Google willing to host so many useful services essentially for free? Google Earth can't be bringing in much revenue. Neither can Gmail. However, the information that Google can eventually collect about all of its users through the different applications that it hosts will eventually be incredibly valuable to its targeted advertising.
I think that the feasibility of using the Internet to host a large volume of proprietary content for free depends on this targeted marketing. Many content producers are going out of business or having a tough time finding realistic revenue streams (think newspapers). At some point those who produce high-quality content will demand a higher price or get out of the business. Since targeted ads can command better revenue, it makes sense that such ads could be the savior of much of the content online. If it isn't, look forward to a lot of content going away or ceasing to be free.
Friday, March 20, 2009
greed
I can't count the number of times that I have heard people complain that the current (or a previous) economic crisis is due to greed. While I do not think that greed is good and I do believe that greed plays a role in the whole process, simplifying all of the ills of the economy to other peoples' greed seems a little lazy and a lot convenient.
Before I get into this, I should note that I do believe that while we allow greed to control us we cannot concurrently be serving God. To the greedy man or woman, that is the worst sin he or she could commit because it is what keeps him or her from God. Jesus didn't say that we couldn't serve both God and money without purpose. He wasn't even speaking to rich investment bankers when he said that, either. The illustration Jesus gave of this point was His monologue on worrying about food and clothing, which does not imply a wealthy audience (Matt 6:19-34).
That greed is not good spiritually does not mean that it is the main cause of our financial pain, though. The phrase, "Greed is good," was popularized by the movie Wall Street and its portrayal of a sleazy investor who would do anything to make a dollar. The concept is actually much older and much less distasteful than it is portrayed in that movie, though. Adam Smith, a very influential economist from the eighteenth century, used the metaphor of the invisible hand to essentially say that greed is beneficial. His idea was that when entities seek their own economic self-interest they more or less accidentally benefit others. For example, most entrepreneurs open and run their businesses for their own self-interest, but in so doing they provide employment at the wages that the market demands and provide customers with the products that they actually want at competitive prices. Obviously, this isn't always the way it works, but capitalism is founded on the principle that it works that way more often than it doesn't and that the market will punish those who try to pay too little or charge too much. The historical relative economic strength of market-based economies when compared to other sorts of economies supports this view.
There are obviously times when people do not act in the interest of others, and those get reported on a lot, but while most people believe they are upset at those greedy individuals' greed, there is usually far more to it than that. The following are the things that I believe caused the current problems in order of the effect that they have had.
Stupidity and/or Lack of Willpower
Most of what caused the current economic crisis was not greed but stupidity. I am certain that the stupidity was enabled by greed as it often is, but it was the stupidity that had the greatest influence. A person who spends too much money in a casino is guilty of greed for sure, but his or her main economic crime against himself or herself is not his or her greed but rather his or her stupidity or lack of willpower. Greed may induce someone to put $100 that he or she needs for groceries on a single number at the roulette table, but only stupidity or a lack of willpower will allow that greed to manifest itself in the $100 bet.
A better example comes from the current crisis. If the banks that are currently having troubles had been greedy but smart they would never have made the bets on housing that they did, and they would have put their money somewhere wiser (but equally greedy). The key variable here is therefore not greed. Had they invested wisely not nearly as many people would be crying foul over greed because that greed would not be hurting them personally. The implication of this is that most people only care if someone else is greedy when they believe the greedy person is doing something that will harm them rather than help them. From a Christian perspective beneficial greed and detrimental greed are equally bad because God cares about the heart more than about the economy.
Idealism
This can be seen in Alan Greenspan's handling of the economy during his term. I actually think that he generally did a good job in a lot of respects, but he did fall prey to a weakness that almost everyone deals with and that made him a very key contributor to the current problems we are facing. He did not account for scenarios where his personal philosophy of governing would not work.
In most situations, Greenspan's opinion that the market would take care of things would actually work. Under-regulated markets usually perform much better than over-regulated markets. Markets are usually very good at valuing things like real estate and bonds. However, there are times (generally referred to as bubbles) where markets become irrational. Greenspan knew this, but it is my perspective that he did not understand how devastatingly and irrevocably irrational unregulated markets could be. My understanding is that he philosophically believed that the market could offset enough of the stupid people that any economic bubbles would not threaten the system as a whole, and in so doing refused to allow controls that would limit the actions of the stupid.
Greed
I do think that greed has played a serious role in the current economic downturn, and I have already noted that, but to say so and leave it at that ignores that greed plays a role in almost everything that happens. It will play a role in any economic upturn we see. I am sure it has played a role in all of the government attempts we have seen and will see to address the downturn. It even plays a role in most of the personal decisions that we all make. I know that my main concern about downturns like this is my ability to earn a paycheck. I am sure I am not alone on that. That is a greedy response, though, that isn't likely to change any time soon.
So, in conclusion my point is this. If you complain about greed because greed has harmed you, you should also note when greed has helped you. It is even more important that you identify where in your life you are actually acting in greed. Finally, stupidity and philosophical stubbornness often have more of an impact than greed does. Be sure you are blaming the right thing.
Before I get into this, I should note that I do believe that while we allow greed to control us we cannot concurrently be serving God. To the greedy man or woman, that is the worst sin he or she could commit because it is what keeps him or her from God. Jesus didn't say that we couldn't serve both God and money without purpose. He wasn't even speaking to rich investment bankers when he said that, either. The illustration Jesus gave of this point was His monologue on worrying about food and clothing, which does not imply a wealthy audience (Matt 6:19-34).
That greed is not good spiritually does not mean that it is the main cause of our financial pain, though. The phrase, "Greed is good," was popularized by the movie Wall Street and its portrayal of a sleazy investor who would do anything to make a dollar. The concept is actually much older and much less distasteful than it is portrayed in that movie, though. Adam Smith, a very influential economist from the eighteenth century, used the metaphor of the invisible hand to essentially say that greed is beneficial. His idea was that when entities seek their own economic self-interest they more or less accidentally benefit others. For example, most entrepreneurs open and run their businesses for their own self-interest, but in so doing they provide employment at the wages that the market demands and provide customers with the products that they actually want at competitive prices. Obviously, this isn't always the way it works, but capitalism is founded on the principle that it works that way more often than it doesn't and that the market will punish those who try to pay too little or charge too much. The historical relative economic strength of market-based economies when compared to other sorts of economies supports this view.
There are obviously times when people do not act in the interest of others, and those get reported on a lot, but while most people believe they are upset at those greedy individuals' greed, there is usually far more to it than that. The following are the things that I believe caused the current problems in order of the effect that they have had.
Stupidity and/or Lack of Willpower
Most of what caused the current economic crisis was not greed but stupidity. I am certain that the stupidity was enabled by greed as it often is, but it was the stupidity that had the greatest influence. A person who spends too much money in a casino is guilty of greed for sure, but his or her main economic crime against himself or herself is not his or her greed but rather his or her stupidity or lack of willpower. Greed may induce someone to put $100 that he or she needs for groceries on a single number at the roulette table, but only stupidity or a lack of willpower will allow that greed to manifest itself in the $100 bet.
A better example comes from the current crisis. If the banks that are currently having troubles had been greedy but smart they would never have made the bets on housing that they did, and they would have put their money somewhere wiser (but equally greedy). The key variable here is therefore not greed. Had they invested wisely not nearly as many people would be crying foul over greed because that greed would not be hurting them personally. The implication of this is that most people only care if someone else is greedy when they believe the greedy person is doing something that will harm them rather than help them. From a Christian perspective beneficial greed and detrimental greed are equally bad because God cares about the heart more than about the economy.
Idealism
This can be seen in Alan Greenspan's handling of the economy during his term. I actually think that he generally did a good job in a lot of respects, but he did fall prey to a weakness that almost everyone deals with and that made him a very key contributor to the current problems we are facing. He did not account for scenarios where his personal philosophy of governing would not work.
In most situations, Greenspan's opinion that the market would take care of things would actually work. Under-regulated markets usually perform much better than over-regulated markets. Markets are usually very good at valuing things like real estate and bonds. However, there are times (generally referred to as bubbles) where markets become irrational. Greenspan knew this, but it is my perspective that he did not understand how devastatingly and irrevocably irrational unregulated markets could be. My understanding is that he philosophically believed that the market could offset enough of the stupid people that any economic bubbles would not threaten the system as a whole, and in so doing refused to allow controls that would limit the actions of the stupid.
Greed
I do think that greed has played a serious role in the current economic downturn, and I have already noted that, but to say so and leave it at that ignores that greed plays a role in almost everything that happens. It will play a role in any economic upturn we see. I am sure it has played a role in all of the government attempts we have seen and will see to address the downturn. It even plays a role in most of the personal decisions that we all make. I know that my main concern about downturns like this is my ability to earn a paycheck. I am sure I am not alone on that. That is a greedy response, though, that isn't likely to change any time soon.
So, in conclusion my point is this. If you complain about greed because greed has harmed you, you should also note when greed has helped you. It is even more important that you identify where in your life you are actually acting in greed. Finally, stupidity and philosophical stubbornness often have more of an impact than greed does. Be sure you are blaming the right thing.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
gmail spam
I think most of the people who read this have a Gmail account, but for those who don't there is a small bar along the top of the screen that contains a link relevant to the content of the email. As an example, when I viewed an email with mortgage payment information in it this morning, the link in that bar was for "10 Ways to Start Living the Frugal Life."
Something that I have noticed pretty much since I first got my Gmail account is that when I go to my "Spam" folder I invariably get a link to some Spam recipe. If I refresh a different Spam recipe is presented, so I have to assume that there are a lot of recipes online that call for Spam. I also assume that I can't possibly be the only person who has noticed this. I keep expecting the Spam recipe links to get replaced by something more targeted to me based on the contents of my actual emails.
Am I the only one who has noticed this? Do you think this has been intentionally left this way for laughs? Does creamy Spam broccoli casserole sound appetizing at all?
Something that I have noticed pretty much since I first got my Gmail account is that when I go to my "Spam" folder I invariably get a link to some Spam recipe. If I refresh a different Spam recipe is presented, so I have to assume that there are a lot of recipes online that call for Spam. I also assume that I can't possibly be the only person who has noticed this. I keep expecting the Spam recipe links to get replaced by something more targeted to me based on the contents of my actual emails.
Am I the only one who has noticed this? Do you think this has been intentionally left this way for laughs? Does creamy Spam broccoli casserole sound appetizing at all?
Friday, March 13, 2009
blockbuster service
Almost four years ago I decided that I wanted to subscribe to a by-mail DVD rental service. At the time, the three options available were Netflix, Blockbuster, and Wal-Mart. I avoided the Wal-Mart service because I knew that it couldn't succeed without a serious uptick in subscribers, but I did expend some energy in the decision between Blockbuster and Netflix.
At that time Blockbuster offered the best deal. For the same price as Netflix, you could get the same number of movies shipped to you, plus there were free in-store rentals. I wasn't naive, though. I knew that Blockbuster and Netflix both would raise rates at some point and something about the in-store rentals would change. I went with Blockbuster anyway, though, because the ability to go to the store and pick up a new release was too appealing.
In that short time both Blockbuster and Netflix have tweaked their offerings and prices quite a bit. Netflix now offers online movie viewing, though this has not completely appealed to me because it is not available for all movies and my online connection at home is on the very slow end of what is acceptable for broadband. Blockbuster has restructured how it offers in-store movies and has increased prices several times. I have remained loyal to Blockbuster mostly on the value I place on being able to pick up a movie quickly somewhere with a better selection than Redbox.
Recently, it was rumored that Blockbuster is investigating the possibility of going through bankruptcy, but the company claimed the rumor was false. Regardless, I am considering contingency plans in case the situation does go to bankruptcy.
In the meantime, though, I have noticed a drop in the quality of Blockbuster's DVD mail service lately. It is absolutely possible that this is due to some glitch in Blockbuster's processing center, and I am giving the company a little bit of time to see if the situation improves. I have a little more patience because my schedule over the next couple of months will probably prevent me from watching many movies. My patience will not be long-lived, though. Because of the degradation I have noticed, I sent the following note through Blockbuster's support system this morning.
Update (3/17/2009):
The following is the email chain as of today. Obviously, the names have been obfuscated.
Blockbuster to Me:
Update #2 (also 3/17/2009):
Here is what will be the last email in the chain.
Blockbuster to Me:
One further comment. I do think that the Blockbuster Customer Care people generally did a good job of explaining the policies I was requesting information about. I asked some pointed and direct questions for which I did not expect there would be a direct answer. They provided me with something that I can test for a few weeks and if that does not work, I will still have far more information than I did before.
At that time Blockbuster offered the best deal. For the same price as Netflix, you could get the same number of movies shipped to you, plus there were free in-store rentals. I wasn't naive, though. I knew that Blockbuster and Netflix both would raise rates at some point and something about the in-store rentals would change. I went with Blockbuster anyway, though, because the ability to go to the store and pick up a new release was too appealing.
In that short time both Blockbuster and Netflix have tweaked their offerings and prices quite a bit. Netflix now offers online movie viewing, though this has not completely appealed to me because it is not available for all movies and my online connection at home is on the very slow end of what is acceptable for broadband. Blockbuster has restructured how it offers in-store movies and has increased prices several times. I have remained loyal to Blockbuster mostly on the value I place on being able to pick up a movie quickly somewhere with a better selection than Redbox.
Recently, it was rumored that Blockbuster is investigating the possibility of going through bankruptcy, but the company claimed the rumor was false. Regardless, I am considering contingency plans in case the situation does go to bankruptcy.
In the meantime, though, I have noticed a drop in the quality of Blockbuster's DVD mail service lately. It is absolutely possible that this is due to some glitch in Blockbuster's processing center, and I am giving the company a little bit of time to see if the situation improves. I have a little more patience because my schedule over the next couple of months will probably prevent me from watching many movies. My patience will not be long-lived, though. Because of the degradation I have noticed, I sent the following note through Blockbuster's support system this morning.
Sir or Ma'am,Really, the main thing that irritates me is that I have given what amounted to a recommendation of Blockbuster on this blog in the past, and I think that has influenced some people to use their service. I apologize if anyone else listened to my advice and is now seeing the same performance issues that I am.
I have noticed a degradation in the service provided on my Total Access account recently. As an example, Blockbuster received two movies from me via mail on Tuesday, however, this is Friday morning and I have not seen evidence that any further movies are being shipped or will be shipped. I have seen this same sluggishness in movie shipments for about the last three weeks.
I understand that things do not always run perfectly and that on rare occasions the service that will be provided will be subpar. This is unfortunately the nature of any business. However, I would like an assurance that this experience is the exception to the rule rather than the new rule. If this is an example of throttling or a strategy of shifting customers back to in-store rentals, I understand this as well, but I am not comfortable or happy with it as an online customer. I do not wish to pay for a service that I cannot trust will be provided.
Please provide me either an assurance that this is due to temporary conditions that are being addressed or with an explanation that this is due to less temporary things such as throttling, cost-cutting, etc.
Thank You,
Shake Dust
Update (3/17/2009):
The following is the email chain as of today. Obviously, the names have been obfuscated.
Blockbuster to Me:
Me to Blockbuster:Dear Shake,
Thank you for contacting Blockbuster Customer Care.
I am sorry for the service delay. We work to send out the next movies in your queue by the end of the next business day after receiving your last returns or reports, provided you have enough "Available" titles at the top of your queue. Our shipping days are Monday through Friday.We normally have a healthy amount of returned items on the weekend. If an item is checked in on a weekend (including Friday,) then the next expected business day for a new shipment would fall on the following Tuesday, with limited shipments on Monday.
To ensure consistent, prompt shipments please try to keep 10 to 15 "Available" titles near the top of your queue.
Should there be anything else I could help you with, please feel free to contact us.
Always here to help,
<Blockbuster Employee Name>,
Blockbuster Customer Care
So, it is possible that the structure of my queue is causing some delays. Hopefully, I'll find out more.<Blockbuster Employee Name>,
Thank you for your reply. I apologize that I was delayed in replying myself.
I definitely have more than 15 "Available" titles in my queue, but several near the top of my queue are listed as "Long Wait" or "Very Long Wait." Do you know whether this will have an impact on the speed with which movies will be shipped? The delay seems to occur even when no "Long Wait" or "Very Long Wait" movies are shipped, so I had written that off as a potential cause.
Thank you for your assistance.Shake Dust
Update #2 (also 3/17/2009):
Here is what will be the last email in the chain.
Blockbuster to Me:
Hello <Customer Name>,Needless to say, this gives me a lot to think about. Where movies are in my queue could be causing my problems and I will need to test moving things around a little. Also, in-store rentals count against the total rentals I have out at any time. That does damage most of the value that Blockbuster was providing for the slightly higher cost I am paying for the service over Netflix. If I really need a new release, I can always use Redbox for a dollar or two (which is the main reason I ever cared about in-store rentals). I'll have to give this some thought over the next month or two to determine if there is any compelling reason to stay with Blockbuster.
Thank you for contacting Blockbuster Customer Care.
I apologize if you are having some issues with regards to our shipping process of your requested titles.
I've reviewed your account and see that you're waiting for your DVDs to be shipped. We want to send you the movies that are most important to you as reflected by the priority you've set in your queue. If your top selections do not show an "Available" status and you have fewer than 15 "Available" movies in queue, we may wait an extra day or two before we send something out so that we're always shipping the titles you want most. May I suggest that you drag down the titles that reflects "Long and Short" wait status to give way to those that are ready for shipping while we wait for the above to be "Available".
Also please be reminded that due to the new policy which was recently implemented; in order to eliminate due dates, the free in-store exchange from participating Blockbuster stores will now count towards the number of DVDs you may have out under your Blockbuster Total Access plan. Once you've returned your in-store exchange, we'll then ship you the next available title in your queue.
I hope this information helps. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do for you today.
As a reminder, Please also remember that we use your queue to provide service and ask that you keep 15 or more "Available" movies at the top of your queue listed at all times to ensure there are no delays in shipments.
Always here to help,
<Different Blockbuster Employee>
Blockbuster Customer Care
One further comment. I do think that the Blockbuster Customer Care people generally did a good job of explaining the policies I was requesting information about. I asked some pointed and direct questions for which I did not expect there would be a direct answer. They provided me with something that I can test for a few weeks and if that does not work, I will still have far more information than I did before.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
contrived dialogue the third
Here's another installment of contrived dialogue. I don't think this one has as many strange combinations of characters as my previous two have, but the general thought is still the same.
Bernie Madoff and a Friend
Madoff: "Can you believe it? My financial advisor stole all of my money!"
Friend: "Aren't you your own financial advisor?"
Madoff: "Yeah, and that makes it that much more difficult to take."
Toucan Sam and a severe literalist
Toucan Sam: "Follow your nose!"
Literalist: "So long as it is attached to my body, I have to."
Prince Hamlet and King Hamlet
Prince Hamlet: "To be or not to be, that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to — 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub—"
King Hamlet: "Why can't you ever just make a simple decision?"
Goerge Carlin and the roadrunner
Carlin: "You can't say *Beep*, *Beep*, *Beep*, *Beep*, *Beep*, *Beep*, or *Beep* on television."
Roadrunner: "Beep-beep!"
Carlin: "Well, you can say that."
Mikhail Gorbachev and Ronald Reagan
Gorbachev: "I've been toying with the idea of expanding my living room by merging it with the adjoining bedroom. What do you think?"
Reagan: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"
Santa Clause interrogated by the police
Officer: "Come on, we know you know who did it."
Clause: "I'll never talk!"
Officer: "We know that you know who's been bad or good so tell us who's been bad for goodness sake."
Clause: "You'd better watch out, I'm telling you why—"
Officer: "That's it! Threatening an officer. A night in the slammer should cool your attitude down a bit."
Columbus and an amazingly prescient crew member
Columbus: "Is that land? We've made it! We've traveled around the world all of the way to India!"
Crew Member: "That's a possibility, but it's more likely that you simply drastically miscalculated the size of the earth, thereby assuming that you have reached the East when you have not even travelled halfway there, and have instead encountered a continent hitherto undiscovered by Europeans, but that you will continue to assume is India until your death because the Caribbean obviously looks a lot like the East Indies to fifteenth century Europeans."
Columbus: "I'll tell you what. I'll call the natives 'Indians,' and we'll know we aren't in India if they correct us."
Patrick Henry and a used car salesman
Henry: "Give me a Liberty or give me death!"
Salesman: "It sounds like you're a man who knows what he likes. Unfortunately, we don't have any Liberties today, but if you're in the mood for a Jeep I've got a Grand Cherokee over here that still has the new car smell."
Robert Frost and his wife
Frost: "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
Wife: "Yeah, it made all of the difference. It's why we've been circling the boondocks for a half hour. Will you finally stop and ask for directions?"
Charles Dickens and King Hamlet
Dickens: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."
King Hamlet: "And I thought my son was indecisive."
Bernie Madoff and a Friend
Madoff: "Can you believe it? My financial advisor stole all of my money!"
Friend: "Aren't you your own financial advisor?"
Madoff: "Yeah, and that makes it that much more difficult to take."
Toucan Sam and a severe literalist
Toucan Sam: "Follow your nose!"
Literalist: "So long as it is attached to my body, I have to."
Prince Hamlet and King Hamlet
Prince Hamlet: "To be or not to be, that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to — 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub—"
King Hamlet: "Why can't you ever just make a simple decision?"
Goerge Carlin and the roadrunner
Carlin: "You can't say *Beep*, *Beep*, *Beep*, *Beep*, *Beep*, *Beep*, or *Beep* on television."
Roadrunner: "Beep-beep!"
Carlin: "Well, you can say that."
Mikhail Gorbachev and Ronald Reagan
Gorbachev: "I've been toying with the idea of expanding my living room by merging it with the adjoining bedroom. What do you think?"
Reagan: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"
Santa Clause interrogated by the police
Officer: "Come on, we know you know who did it."
Clause: "I'll never talk!"
Officer: "We know that you know who's been bad or good so tell us who's been bad for goodness sake."
Clause: "You'd better watch out, I'm telling you why—"
Officer: "That's it! Threatening an officer. A night in the slammer should cool your attitude down a bit."
Columbus and an amazingly prescient crew member
Columbus: "Is that land? We've made it! We've traveled around the world all of the way to India!"
Crew Member: "That's a possibility, but it's more likely that you simply drastically miscalculated the size of the earth, thereby assuming that you have reached the East when you have not even travelled halfway there, and have instead encountered a continent hitherto undiscovered by Europeans, but that you will continue to assume is India until your death because the Caribbean obviously looks a lot like the East Indies to fifteenth century Europeans."
Columbus: "I'll tell you what. I'll call the natives 'Indians,' and we'll know we aren't in India if they correct us."
Patrick Henry and a used car salesman
Henry: "Give me a Liberty or give me death!"
Salesman: "It sounds like you're a man who knows what he likes. Unfortunately, we don't have any Liberties today, but if you're in the mood for a Jeep I've got a Grand Cherokee over here that still has the new car smell."
Robert Frost and his wife
Frost: "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
Wife: "Yeah, it made all of the difference. It's why we've been circling the boondocks for a half hour. Will you finally stop and ask for directions?"
Charles Dickens and King Hamlet
Dickens: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way."
King Hamlet: "And I thought my son was indecisive."
Friday, March 06, 2009
frozen peas
I have debated whether to discuss today's topic at all because some people may be a bit uncomfortable with it. The option I have chosen is to discuss it delicately here and not mention it at all on Facebook. If the topic bothers you, just stop reading.
Today, I went to the doctor to take steps to not have any more kids. I figure most people can figure out what that means. A few things about the visit stick out.
First, there were a couple of guys in the office who had apparently ridden there together with the intention to have their procedures done at the same time. One guy was called, then the next was, then the first one came back to the waiting room when he was done and waited for the other. I think that I would sooner do this alone than with a friend.
Second, the doctor's office was way behind schedule today. When I was called from the waiting room the individual who took me to the room where the procedure would be performed apologized and made a comment implying that one of the procedures earlier in the morning had some complications. Had I been nervous about my procedure this would have probably disarmed me. It really didn't register high on my radar, though.
Next, the procedure was a bit more painful than I expected, but it was much shorter and the recovery has been much better than I expected. I'll leave it at that.
Also, I determined today that pretty much my entire sense of modesty is culturally derived. I expected to be more uncomfortable with the level of exposure the procedure involves. I really wasn't. That probably sounds more disturbing than it needs to sound. I don't intend to become an exhibitionist any time soon.
Finally, the doctor recommended using an ice pack for a day, but Dash has noted many times that frozen peas are effective. I am thankful for this advice. I don't know if I will be psychologically able to force myself to eat peas for a few weeks now, but they work for this tertiary purpose.
Today, I went to the doctor to take steps to not have any more kids. I figure most people can figure out what that means. A few things about the visit stick out.
First, there were a couple of guys in the office who had apparently ridden there together with the intention to have their procedures done at the same time. One guy was called, then the next was, then the first one came back to the waiting room when he was done and waited for the other. I think that I would sooner do this alone than with a friend.
Second, the doctor's office was way behind schedule today. When I was called from the waiting room the individual who took me to the room where the procedure would be performed apologized and made a comment implying that one of the procedures earlier in the morning had some complications. Had I been nervous about my procedure this would have probably disarmed me. It really didn't register high on my radar, though.
Next, the procedure was a bit more painful than I expected, but it was much shorter and the recovery has been much better than I expected. I'll leave it at that.
Also, I determined today that pretty much my entire sense of modesty is culturally derived. I expected to be more uncomfortable with the level of exposure the procedure involves. I really wasn't. That probably sounds more disturbing than it needs to sound. I don't intend to become an exhibitionist any time soon.
Finally, the doctor recommended using an ice pack for a day, but Dash has noted many times that frozen peas are effective. I am thankful for this advice. I don't know if I will be psychologically able to force myself to eat peas for a few weeks now, but they work for this tertiary purpose.
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