directions and empathy

Two things that should have occurred to me sooner about the differences between men and women occurred to me in the past week or two.  Both relate to earlier posts I have made, so I am linking to those previous posts below.

First, regarding the cliche about men not wanting to stop and ask for directions, I have long figured it was about admitting weakness.  That's certainly part of it, but I contemplated the whole process of asking directions and there's more to it than that.  I think the real issue is that men in general are not all that great with step-by-step directions.

A few of the worst arguments Golden and I have had have been due to our differences in navigating our way around.  She works very well with step-by-step instructions, but if I use them there is a good chance I'm going to miss a step or forget a key detail (Was it right or left at the green street sign?  Wait, all of the street signs are green!).  With widespread GPS adoption this is becoming a moot point, but I would bet that more men would stop for directions when the situation called for it if those directions were transmitted in map form.

Second, women liking movies and situations where they get to feel empathy and emotion, I have long figured that this was about women better understanding the nuances of their emotions than men.  While I still think this is largely true, I now think there is a larger factor that is more obvious.  Women like feeling empathy and emotion and men don't.  I did kind of say that at the end of the earlier post, but I just kind of threw it in almost as an afterthought.  Unlike my previous emphasis implied, I now think that every other factor pales in comparison to the enjoyment factor.

I am a more empathetic man than most.  This is something I say that with far more embarrassment than pride as it's not a very masculine trait.  I believe I can definitively state that I do not enjoy feeling empathy.  I often like the perspective it gives me, and I still usually want to understand situations from other peoples' shoes, but the actual feeling of empathy is simply unpleasant.  Maybe there is something deeper that causes me personally to dislike how empathy feels, but I suspect that this is something I have in common with most men.

My experience is that women often get something out of feeling and sharing each other's emotions, even when they are what I would consider unpleasant emotions.  I suspect that this is similar to the excitement a man gets during the daring parts of an action movie or video game.  Being shot at or in a fight would not be pleasant, but there is something about putting yourself in the shoes of a fictional person in that situation that is paradoxically exhilarating.  Likewise, sharing an unpleasant emotion must provide pleasure on some level.

So I guess the long and short of it is, news flash: men and women are different.