the narcissistic parent

I have never really been a kid person.  That sounds worse than it should.  There is not much more to it than that. I can definitely enjoy my time around kids, but I simply don't go out of my way to be around kids.  Because of this, I always sort of felt that I needed to justify my intention that I would some day have kids. Having my own kids is different because they are my kids.  I have given a lot of thought lately to what the difference really is, and my conclusion is that it is a mild form of narcissism.

In my opinion there are no two greater kids in the world than mine and Golden's kids, NJ and CD.  That is natural.  I am their dad, so I should feel that way.  Everyone else reading this who has their own kids should feel that way about their own kids.  I think there is far more to it than that, though.  Almost every little thing that I learn about NJ or CD as they get older is something that I see in myself or in Golden.  These two people are combinations of myself and the person who I have decided was the perfect choice to spend the rest of my life with.  Since I love almost everything there is to know about Golden, I am bound to like or at least understand everything I find out about our kids unless I loathe myself.

I have to think that God created us like this to make it easier to get through the challenging moments in parenting.  I already know some of the challenges that NJ is going to present as he gets older, but since I see elements of my personality in him being a part of those challenges, part of me looks forward to them.  I am pretty sure that CD is going to present challenges of her own, but that either Golden or I will have some appreciation of her perspective in those challenges.

This also makes me think about parents who adopt and care for kids who are not their own as if they are their own.  I never really grasped it before, but the people who do that right have to be some among the most giving people in the world.  I have my narcissism (and Golden) to help me through the parental challenges.  They don't have that benefit.