I work in an office building with five floors, and a few years ago someone in my office told me that they go to a different floor to poop. I think the rationale was that when you stink up a bathroom, people won't recognize that it was their coworker who did it, but I'm adding a little to get to this explanation because it wasn't fully articulated.
We have several offices on our floor, and a few such as a bank and an office of lawyers and accountants have customers who visit throughout the day, so there are a lot of people who use the floor bathroom who I don't recognize. This being said, in the past few days I've witnessed two different men walking from a different floor into our bathroom to poop. So, while I thought before that travelling to poop was a quirky activity that only one guy did, I'm noticing a small pattern.
I'm not bothered by the fact that some people might decide it's better to go to a different floor than the one they work on to poop. Everyone has their thing. I'm perplexed though, because I'd be more embarrassed for someone to notice I'm going from a different floor to poop in their bathroom than I would be for a coworker to notice I stunk up the bathroom. Am I alone on this?
Thursday, July 19, 2018
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
impostor 2
Years back, I posted here about feeling like an impostor, and I capped it off by misspelling the word "impostor" multiple times. I was heartened at the time that this is apparently a common feeling among men. I've had over a decade of experience since then, and I've come to the conclusion that this is a feeling that changes in nature, but it does not go away.
Something I that I don't know if I made clear or not is that this impostor syndrome has everything to to do with a man's belief that he can support a family. Deep down, I believe one day everyone will find out that it's something I'm not capable of doing. That sounds like a deep confession, and something to be embarrassed about, but the more I talk with other men the more I agree that this is an almost universal feeling. What's odd with this issue is that it is almost impossible to convince someone dealing with it (me, for example) that they're wrong, because all that means is that you are fooled by their charade rather than that there is no charade in the first place.
One observation I've had is that I have heard several retired men talk about dealing with this when they were responsible for a family, but looking back and feeling like this specific stress was silly in retrospect. I would love to have that experience myself where I truly understand in retrospect that most of this is my own overactive neuroses.
My real greatest anxiety at this stage in my life is wondering how I spare my autistic son this stress when he is an adult, yet still teach him to be responsible. That is a real trusting God issue for me, because I don't have answers to how that's going to work. Without God, it probably won't.
Something I that I don't know if I made clear or not is that this impostor syndrome has everything to to do with a man's belief that he can support a family. Deep down, I believe one day everyone will find out that it's something I'm not capable of doing. That sounds like a deep confession, and something to be embarrassed about, but the more I talk with other men the more I agree that this is an almost universal feeling. What's odd with this issue is that it is almost impossible to convince someone dealing with it (me, for example) that they're wrong, because all that means is that you are fooled by their charade rather than that there is no charade in the first place.
One observation I've had is that I have heard several retired men talk about dealing with this when they were responsible for a family, but looking back and feeling like this specific stress was silly in retrospect. I would love to have that experience myself where I truly understand in retrospect that most of this is my own overactive neuroses.
My real greatest anxiety at this stage in my life is wondering how I spare my autistic son this stress when he is an adult, yet still teach him to be responsible. That is a real trusting God issue for me, because I don't have answers to how that's going to work. Without God, it probably won't.
Sunday, July 01, 2018
kids camp
This past week I did something that I never envisioned myself doing. I was a counselor at a church kids' camp. This is something that I am not particularly well-suited for, and I initially had planned on turning down the request to consider it. Upon reflection, I had the distinct feeling that this was something that I was supposed to do, so I agreed to do it.
The week actually went great. We had fourteen kids in our cabin between third and sixth grade, and three counselors to manage them all. All of us were dads to at least one of the boys in the cabin, and while there were certainly a lot of minor ongoing issues to deal with throughout my time there, I was amazed at how smoothly everything went.
One thing that I feel I got out of the experience was a greater appreciation and understanding of the personalities and drives of the seven boys from my church in my cabin. It's easy as an adult to only have a surface-level relationship with the kids in the church, and understanding their uniquenesses allows me to have a deeper relationship with each of them.
The concern that I heard relayed to me multiple times was that I wouldn't get enough sleep to function while there. While I was mentally exhausted from all of the kid conversations and metaphorical fires that needed to be put out, I got great sleep and felt great physically throughout camp.
While I believe that this was a positive experience and that I really was supposed to be doing this, it is clear that childcare of this sort certainly isn't my calling. I was able to witness adults who were truly in their element in interacting with the kids, and for my entire time there I always felt like I was winging it. However, this didn't stress me out like it normally would have because I had the attitude that I had my limits, and as long as I gave it my all that is all that could be expected of me.
So I had an great experience overall, but I don't plan on repeating it again next year. Of course, I didn't plan on doing it at all this year, so what I'm planning on right now only matters so much.
The week actually went great. We had fourteen kids in our cabin between third and sixth grade, and three counselors to manage them all. All of us were dads to at least one of the boys in the cabin, and while there were certainly a lot of minor ongoing issues to deal with throughout my time there, I was amazed at how smoothly everything went.
One thing that I feel I got out of the experience was a greater appreciation and understanding of the personalities and drives of the seven boys from my church in my cabin. It's easy as an adult to only have a surface-level relationship with the kids in the church, and understanding their uniquenesses allows me to have a deeper relationship with each of them.
The concern that I heard relayed to me multiple times was that I wouldn't get enough sleep to function while there. While I was mentally exhausted from all of the kid conversations and metaphorical fires that needed to be put out, I got great sleep and felt great physically throughout camp.
While I believe that this was a positive experience and that I really was supposed to be doing this, it is clear that childcare of this sort certainly isn't my calling. I was able to witness adults who were truly in their element in interacting with the kids, and for my entire time there I always felt like I was winging it. However, this didn't stress me out like it normally would have because I had the attitude that I had my limits, and as long as I gave it my all that is all that could be expected of me.
So I had an great experience overall, but I don't plan on repeating it again next year. Of course, I didn't plan on doing it at all this year, so what I'm planning on right now only matters so much.
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