imposter

Golden has been reading a book called For Women Only lately about what goes on in a man's mind. She commented on the book on her site as well, in case you are curious. It is generally accurate, but must rely on generalizations to some degree since not all men are the same.

One thing that did strike home with me, though, is the idea that some men feel like they are imposters. I am thoroughly convinced that some day someone is going to figure it out that I don't have it all together. I always thought that this was my unique paranoia, but apparently I am not the only one.

I have always preferred to let people know my faults before my strengths so that there will not be any unhappy surprises later on regarding those faults. I have always had to veto this preference during job interviews because I have to pay for food and an Internet connection. That doesn't change the fact that I hate selling some prettied up image of myself to others. I know that an idealized version of myself will not be attainable.

The biggest problem I have found is in determining what part of this paranoia is truly paranoia and what is honest observation. I would hate to "overcome" the sense that I am being an imposter only to find out it was the truth from the start. In fact, I have taken serious steps in my life to make sure that I am not an imposter and am actually what I feel I must purport myself to be.

Anyway, the point of this isn't to get a bunch of people to say that I am not an imposter. If I don't know whether I am faking it through life, I doubt anyone else really knows. The point is simply to relay what is going on in my mind so that I am not an imposter in this area of my life. Or is it?