my time

Pretty much the theme of my life over the last few years has been me not wanting to relinquish control of my time and my time being wrested from me. That is kind of expected when you have small children, but it is something that I in particular struggle with. Even when I had more free time the biggest fantasy I had for where I wanted my life to be was the ability to enjoy time-consuming pleasures (games, books, movies) without concern for the opportunity cost in time or money. I don't know that I articulated that this was my biggest life fantasy, but it was.

The problem with this fantasy is the problem with any fantasy. It places me and my wants ahead of everyone else. It also represents something that I have a hard time giving to God. This is evidenced by the fact that I have really struggled with having a good attitude about my accelerated Bible reading plan over the last month. I had grand plans for my limited free time January through May and this pretty much shot those down. If I can't make a real time sacrifice to read Scripture, though, something is probably wrong with my life.

I don't really have much more to say about this other than I think this is something that I will always struggle with. God is going to work on this during my life, but this is something that does not change easily.