I have watched The Amazing Race every season since it started. One thing that I have been noticing more lately is how much some people take from their significant others. I am probably noticing this more because I am paying attention for it rather than because there are more verbally abusive relationships on the show. Indeed, the most verbally abusive of them all was Jonathan Baker in 2005, so verbal abuse has been a constant for years on the show. In the past, though, in my mind it seemed like the relationships with excessive shouting were in the minority on the race. In this season there have been several couples where I have wanted to strangle the guy for what he said to his wife or girlfriend.
How typical are these types of relationships? I am not talking about Mr. Baker abusive, but rather blame-her-for-everything-that-goes-wrong abusive. It's not far enough that most people would consider it abuse, but the result is similar to abuse. I have a sister and I have a daughter, and I do not want either of them learning to tolerate that treatment from a man. Even more than that, I don't want to inadvertently be that man to Golden. The guys who were doing that appeared to be clueless about it, so it can be too deceptively easy to think that I am beyond that poor behavior.
While the show sounds like it would be fun to be on, I will never apply to be on the show with Golden. The main reason is that I am a competitive person and she is not, which would ensure friction throughout the race. One thing that has bounced around in the back of my mind, though, is that I wonder how I would react in some of the stressful situations I see in the show. It can be all too easy and convenient to blame your partner when the right reaction is to encourage or support your partner. I really don't think that I would be that person who shouted insults, but I have to acknowledge that I still have some things to learn about properly handling stressful situations. This might be something about myself that I simply do not want to discover.
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I should note that we got too far behind in Amazing Race this year, so we decided to just delete the recorded episodes, because we realized we wouldn't be able to catch up.
However, I've seen most seasons, as you know, and while Jonathan and Victoria certainly stand out as the worst example of the verbal abuse, there have been quite a few over the years.
Unfortunately, I think most of the abusers would write it off as being not a big deal because they were stressed at the time. They would explain it away as being okay because they aren't normally like that, but it was just the stress. I'd imagine people that say this probably are "stressed" a lot and that it's a common excuse when really they are just jerks.
All that aside, I still think we would have been an excellent team had we been on the show.
I think they only pick people who are reactive or over competitive - looking for good TV, not good relationships. Lesli loves that show and we often say we could go on together but neither of us with our spouses. Kerry can't even watch it - the travel stress hits too close to home for him - he says we already live it. : )
I appreciate your concern to not be that way. You are far from ever being abusive.
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